So I have been doing really well of late on staying focused on my courses...like studying all day and all night type of thing. Earlier this year I decided to just step back from other things like the business and just focus on school. I know there is enough time in a week to technically manage both, but I just decided not to make it so hard on myself. I have to walk before I can run anyways, so to speak. But wow the first year sciences are tiring! I forgot how hard these were, and I definitely underestimated them. I've been working on a couple since December, which right now is Gen Chem 1 and Calc 1. And I've been working on Orgo 1 much prior to that as well, but I put that on hold to try to finish Gen Chem 1 first. I don't know if I've posted this on here, but I haven't completed or passed a science course since October of 2011. I did finish a year of first year anatomy and physiology a couple years ago, but I found those courses to be a little bit on the easy side. No math involved. But it feels so good doing these science courses, I got away from them in the past, just to try to get some confidence in other courses because I felt like maybe science was too hard for me. But now I'm definitely getting it pretty well. I'm getting around an 85 in both gen chem 1 and calc 1. But I still have quite a few marks to get with some more assignments in both, and of course both final exams which are worth 50%. So my mark could literally be anything. I have been chipping away at these courses for some time, but this week felt like a good strong week, because the hours put in of pure learning were strong. There was somewhere around 20-25 hours of pure learning. But that figure doesn't include the "in-between" sort of stuff. The in-between stuff being googling concepts I don't understand and other small things like definitions of words or figuring out their context in how it plays in the big picture of the bigger concept and of the unit of the course, and then relating that to how it fits in biologically for the MCAT. So I don't count all the hours that I'm technically doing homework. But I've just started to write down the amount of hours that are high yield learning. My total school work hours this week are easily over 40 hours because it is all I've been doing all day and all night. And the week isn't even over yet for me!
I really like writing about the "machanics" of studying, specifically in the sciences. Just because I don't think most people talk about this stuff. We might all see the A grade at the end of the semester that someone gets, but for me, I'm so curious as to not just how, but specifically how. What is the process like? What were the exact things you did? It seems to be summed up with practice questions and reading the concepts. But I don't know what the disconnect is, because it has proven to be difficult for so many students who enter first year university, and it will continue to be so. So a great deal of people must end up doing the whole school thing the wrong way. We all know about how in first year bio the prof may ask how many of you want to go to med school and 90% of the class raises their hand. But the attrition rate is pretty high in my experience. That being at a general science program at a general Canadian university. I suppose Mac health sci puts high numbers into medicine, and maybe a couple others at lower rates than Mac health sci? But I'm really thankful for the general default pathway to medicine being at least some courses in the sciences. In the states it's pretty well accepted you have to do first year bio, chem, physics and second year organic chem. You can't really get away from that. And then they will calculate a second "science GPA" which is it's own seperate weighting factor aside from cumulative GPA. Here in Canada prereqs aren't universal, and some people never took the sciences and have just studied the MCAT prep books and have found success. But I don't think that is a formula for success. I'm not saying it is impossible for it to work. But it will hardly be predictably successful for all types of students. At least I don't think so.
My study week isn't over though. I'm going to try to have a really good study day tomorrow on Sunday. And then start it all over again on Monday. I have plans tonight with some friends around 5, and after I eat lunch right now (soup and grilled sandwich is getting cold as we speak!), I haven't totally decided whether I'm going to study until then or if I'm going to email profs asking for lab/research opportunities. The reason why emailing will take me a while is because I like to learn about the searchers' field and their research, and try to write something meaningful in my emails, instead of a general "hey do you need free help" email. Because after-all, I am looking for a lab that would give me increasingly more responsibility and opportunities. I am actually incredibly excited for this though! I would love to volunteer in a lab that I like. But I'm just worried that no prof will get back to me haha. It is really close to summer already, but my timeline didn't start in September. And I don't want to have no ECs this entire summer. The ECs are definitely needed to break up the studying. I personally love the traditional ECs. Clinical experience would be nice, and I'm really excited to get involved with research. I've actually been thinking about getting an EMT certification, or something along those lines. I got the idea because the Duke post-bacc program offers the certification as part of their master's degree curriculum. Unfortunately they don't accept Canadians though so I had to cross that off the list. But I still thought it was a good idea so I might explore that option more. I think it would be great experience, but I don't know anything about the field or their training. I took standard first aid many years ago, but I don't know about which certifications to pick and what not. Because I think there is EMT, EMR, and of course paramedic. I wouldn't have the time to be a full blown paramedic, and I'm not sure what the process is like in Canada. But in the US the process seemed easier because the EMT program is very short, and there were plenty of EMT job postings. I don't know if you have to be a full blown paramedic everywhere in Canada, or if you can get away with one of these shorter training periods? It's something I'd like to look in to. I'm not set on it yet, but I want to explore it. I think it would be quite exciting, which is a major plus for me. Might be a good contrast with the lab and the coursework. Just to give me some diversity in my week.
Happy Saturday to everyone and I hope everyone has a good rest of the weekend!
Saturday, 1 April 2017
Monday, 27 March 2017
Imminent Exams Around the Corner and New MSTP Musings
Hey everyone. Sorry about the posting infrequency! Just totally forgot to post and didn't realize it had been so long. Maybe I didn't realize because of how old I'm getting now. Haha this is something I think about every so often, is that I'm 25 and still not in med school and likely won't get an acceptance in the immediate term. It honestly just feels like 3 months ago I was 23. It's really too bad that it has been so long since I hammered out a good full semester, I do feel like I dropped the ball there. But I know I can't dwell on it too long and let it ruin me. If I just continue with my coursework in the proper sequence, at a full time rate, then I know I will at least be giving myself a good solid chance (a college try if you will). But anyways it's been so long I haven't posted about the new plans.
Before I get into the plan, I should update where I'm at. I'm hoping to have an 80% average quite soon. Not sure if it will be June, but it's looking good for shortly after that. But the big new development and realization I've come to is.....I want to be a doctor in the United States. I would honestly rather live the rest of my life in the US. If I wasn't trying to get into medicine, I would be moving there right now. I have just absolutely come to love the US. I'm actually a little obsessed. I'll write more about that later. But anyways, in order to make it work in the US, I need to try to get over there sooner rather than later. Which leads me in a new direction more or less. I still want to be a doctor. But I think it's more important that I try to be a physician-scientist, specifically a surgeon-scientist in the US. I would love to be one of the top docs at a major US medical center (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_centers_in_the_United_States). I've realized I think it is just the right thing to do. I mean if I was a surgeon, and my patients knew I was actively doing scientific research in the lab and running a large and extensive basic science lab to figure out the most fundamental aspect of the diseases of which they are afflicted, I think they would really appreciate that I'm trying to do everything I can to help them. I don't need personal time. I don't need a family or a frequent social life. Don't get me wrong I'll take every chance I can get to have fun and balance myself. But I think there's just so many more bigger things out there. I've come to realize the importance of research. I had never ruled out research before. In fact I was very interested in it. But I assumed if I had an MD it wouldn't matter if I didn't have a PhD. And that may be true. But I don't think it makes much sense. I think I will make myself the most desirable candidate to try to get the top jobs in the country (US) and more or less the top medical jobs in the world I guess you could say? I mean what would be better than being a top doc at a top institution? I'd be seeing patients and operating in the OR and then I'd be doing lab work as well. I want to be a doctor who does basic science research. I want to ensure that I am doing my part to advance the field as best as I can. So why not just do a PhD then? Well that is a very good question in theory. But for me, I can't let go of being a doctor. I love the social aspect of medicine, as well as the challenge it provides to anyone who's practicing it. I also love how it feels like a sport; ie. the team aspect of medicine, where everyone on the team is skilled and provides value and we are all in this together to help a sick patient, or a dying patient. I think that would allow me to be so fulfilled. If there are any residents reading this, I realize it is probably not as dramatic as I'm making it sound, and I realize there are bad things about the job, but I mean if you're going to be sour and crusty during your residency, I would say you should probably still look at the facts I just presented. And if your negative facts are more important than my positive facts, then I don't know what else to say. If you didn't know what you signed up for maybe you should've done some more research? I hate to be like this, but I think all these crusty residents telling people to not go into medicine is a really horrible thing. Why discourage people from entering the field? Have any of you actually worked a real life job for more than a few years? I don't know how you can be upset. If you are upset with being a resident, then I'd say you were never cut out for it in the first place. And despite not being cut out from it, I'm not sure why you're not actively trying to better yourself to do a better job. I spoke with a prominent Canadian surgeon in an email, and he just loves his job. I've heard him speak on the news and on TV shows, and his confidence is off the charts and he just oozes that persona. I don't know how to put my finger on it. It has nothing to do with being a TV doc, he's an older guy and I can tell he's not into the glitz and glam. But he just has that more so of a reserved confidence. He is reserved, but he is strong and fierce against everything that comes against him. His training profile is ridiculous. I think he has like 8 years of surgery and then maybe like 4 fellowships? I'm not sure how many years in total, I actually lost track when I read his bio. He is really a magnificent person. This is what medicine is supposed to be like. And you know what, all of these disenfranchised residents might put on a good face and do their job the best way, and maybe they come home and hate themselves. But if that does happen to me, I would still rather figure that out on my own. I absolutely need to try it, in case that I'm not like them and that I actually love my job. I'm not sure what a chief resident is or how many of them there are at a given hospital, but I know I want to be one. I would actually relish working at a hospital all night! I really truly think I would love that. How exciting is that? I love the hospital it is one of my favorite places in the world. I don't know what made me like this, maybe it's cause I grew up poor? But I just don't see things the same way all these other negative people do. I see being a clinician scientist as something that is larger than myself, too. I could not think of a better way to spend a life. There are the few rare pro athletes in the United States, who after finishing their professional careers, they go into medical school and do their medical training. It's obviously not super frequent for many reasons, but I think this still speaks volumes for many reasons. For some people, you want to live the most worthwhile life you can. Do the right things. Live to your fullest potential. Do everything you can to excel at something that you can excel at. This is something that is fundamental to me. It has been in the back of my mind since I was 12 years old, and sometimes at the front of my mind, too. I heard someone say that, everyone has a passion in life, something that makes them tick, keeps them going, but for most people that something is family. I thankfully do have a loving family of me and my brother and my mom. But I have no interest in raising kids. I'd love to have a partner I truly vibe with, but for me, my career is what makes me tick. I suppose there are other great things out there besides medicine. Like for example I think some of the top philanthropic donors are doing incredible things. For example Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg are heroes with what they're doing with their foundations. It's just you can help so many people when you give away billions of dollars. So I mean I guess there are other ways to make a difference out there too. But medicine is still a career I want to take up. And I realized I'd love to do research in addition to practicing medicine. It's a dream come true. If research life is a sterile life, then that is okay. I still want a strong purpose in my life, and if that's what needs to happen, then so be it. I'm willing to make that sacrifice of constantly being worked for a 100 hours a week, if it means I am making a difference.
So anyways, of course I would accept any MD acceptance to any school in the US or Canada. But if I could choose, I would choose to do an MD/PhD at an American school. If I can do that, I would be over the moon. I would be over the moon for an MD, but the MD/PhD is my new goal. It is my new passion. I'm not holding my breath for this obviously. Still my chances are best at UBC, and I'm not convinced an MD/PhD is even worth it in Canada. So if I only get into UBC or another Canadian school, then I will likely simply do an MD. Which is fine with me too. It's still an excellent option. So I just gotta get there.
I'm going to be done all of my classes for a bachelor of science in biology very soon. I'm going to be done all the courses in either November or December, but likely December. This is all very close now!
I haven't even really tried to calculate a tentative GPA for when December rolls around. But I'll be an okay place. Not spectactular, but getting there.
So the next big question is what do I do next January?
My new long term tentative plan is to do a second degree in biochemistry or another field, then do a premed post-bacc in the United States. I'm willing to do 2 or 3 post-bacc's if I am still not holding an acceptance in a few years time. The reason it is not insane is because one post bacc would be an undergrad post-bacc and the second would be a master's degree, and then the last final option to try to get in would be an SMP. It's a long time from now. But I'm trying to do everything I can to make sure this doesn't slip away. I also cannot afford to get any more B's! But luckily for me, I think this part is not super complicated for me. It is quite difficult. But with the right work ethic and efficiency and critical decision making, I think I can get the proper grades I need. I always have been able to when I stayed on the right path. I've just been distracted or lost focus and got disengaged in the past. You cannot believe how much I wish I had my current self as an advisor to my younger self. So anyways with this new plan of:
second-degree ------> undergrad premed post-bacc --------> graduate premed post-bacc --------> SMP
in that specific order. That will give me my best chance to ensure that I will never not be accepted to a Canadian/US MD school. Doing anything else other than this just seems like too much risk for me. I've been reading more about the US system, and they have such staunch and rigid views on certain things. That fact, given with my academic history, means that I need to plan and prepare to ensure success. Could I whip together an application to UBC MD this summer? Yes of course. But would it be my absolute best application I have? Do I also have the proper skills currently to score extremely high on the USMLE? These are the questions I'm asking myself. I can't just be all willy nilly here and just go with the flow. I don't think that's the right thing to do for me. What if I don't score extremely well on the USMLE? Then I can't do the residency I want? Forget that. My world view is that I am in total control of everything I do, in terms of my career. There is always a way. I think improvement in performance is totally achievable. Sure I can't get a high score on the USMLE right now, but I think in some years I will be able to. But had I never failed and got into med school at 22, then I'd be writing the USMLE right about now. There's no way I'd be in a position to score so high on that test right now. I understand knowledge is like distance, but there's also something to be said about the maturation process. I simply flat out think that even if I was just hypothetically finishing up the middle of med school right now and writing the USMLEs, there's no way I'd ace them to get into a neurosurgical residency. I just don't think I would've been there mentally. I can't speak to the exam, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's hard, hah. So isn't it kind of funny then, that maybe things worked out for the better by me failing? I think had I not failed in university, I would've failed in med school. I just didn't have the fundamentals in my early twenties. But now, I really don't think I've ever been smarter than I am right now. So maybe everything worked out in the best way possible. I'd rather be a neurosurgeon than anything else, so why not just go for that? I'm not a fan of broken dreams....I'm not going to let that happen.
Wow that was quite the long post. I need to post more, so that I have less to say! Haha. Will post again very soon. Goodnight and take care and love you all.
Before I get into the plan, I should update where I'm at. I'm hoping to have an 80% average quite soon. Not sure if it will be June, but it's looking good for shortly after that. But the big new development and realization I've come to is.....I want to be a doctor in the United States. I would honestly rather live the rest of my life in the US. If I wasn't trying to get into medicine, I would be moving there right now. I have just absolutely come to love the US. I'm actually a little obsessed. I'll write more about that later. But anyways, in order to make it work in the US, I need to try to get over there sooner rather than later. Which leads me in a new direction more or less. I still want to be a doctor. But I think it's more important that I try to be a physician-scientist, specifically a surgeon-scientist in the US. I would love to be one of the top docs at a major US medical center (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_centers_in_the_United_States). I've realized I think it is just the right thing to do. I mean if I was a surgeon, and my patients knew I was actively doing scientific research in the lab and running a large and extensive basic science lab to figure out the most fundamental aspect of the diseases of which they are afflicted, I think they would really appreciate that I'm trying to do everything I can to help them. I don't need personal time. I don't need a family or a frequent social life. Don't get me wrong I'll take every chance I can get to have fun and balance myself. But I think there's just so many more bigger things out there. I've come to realize the importance of research. I had never ruled out research before. In fact I was very interested in it. But I assumed if I had an MD it wouldn't matter if I didn't have a PhD. And that may be true. But I don't think it makes much sense. I think I will make myself the most desirable candidate to try to get the top jobs in the country (US) and more or less the top medical jobs in the world I guess you could say? I mean what would be better than being a top doc at a top institution? I'd be seeing patients and operating in the OR and then I'd be doing lab work as well. I want to be a doctor who does basic science research. I want to ensure that I am doing my part to advance the field as best as I can. So why not just do a PhD then? Well that is a very good question in theory. But for me, I can't let go of being a doctor. I love the social aspect of medicine, as well as the challenge it provides to anyone who's practicing it. I also love how it feels like a sport; ie. the team aspect of medicine, where everyone on the team is skilled and provides value and we are all in this together to help a sick patient, or a dying patient. I think that would allow me to be so fulfilled. If there are any residents reading this, I realize it is probably not as dramatic as I'm making it sound, and I realize there are bad things about the job, but I mean if you're going to be sour and crusty during your residency, I would say you should probably still look at the facts I just presented. And if your negative facts are more important than my positive facts, then I don't know what else to say. If you didn't know what you signed up for maybe you should've done some more research? I hate to be like this, but I think all these crusty residents telling people to not go into medicine is a really horrible thing. Why discourage people from entering the field? Have any of you actually worked a real life job for more than a few years? I don't know how you can be upset. If you are upset with being a resident, then I'd say you were never cut out for it in the first place. And despite not being cut out from it, I'm not sure why you're not actively trying to better yourself to do a better job. I spoke with a prominent Canadian surgeon in an email, and he just loves his job. I've heard him speak on the news and on TV shows, and his confidence is off the charts and he just oozes that persona. I don't know how to put my finger on it. It has nothing to do with being a TV doc, he's an older guy and I can tell he's not into the glitz and glam. But he just has that more so of a reserved confidence. He is reserved, but he is strong and fierce against everything that comes against him. His training profile is ridiculous. I think he has like 8 years of surgery and then maybe like 4 fellowships? I'm not sure how many years in total, I actually lost track when I read his bio. He is really a magnificent person. This is what medicine is supposed to be like. And you know what, all of these disenfranchised residents might put on a good face and do their job the best way, and maybe they come home and hate themselves. But if that does happen to me, I would still rather figure that out on my own. I absolutely need to try it, in case that I'm not like them and that I actually love my job. I'm not sure what a chief resident is or how many of them there are at a given hospital, but I know I want to be one. I would actually relish working at a hospital all night! I really truly think I would love that. How exciting is that? I love the hospital it is one of my favorite places in the world. I don't know what made me like this, maybe it's cause I grew up poor? But I just don't see things the same way all these other negative people do. I see being a clinician scientist as something that is larger than myself, too. I could not think of a better way to spend a life. There are the few rare pro athletes in the United States, who after finishing their professional careers, they go into medical school and do their medical training. It's obviously not super frequent for many reasons, but I think this still speaks volumes for many reasons. For some people, you want to live the most worthwhile life you can. Do the right things. Live to your fullest potential. Do everything you can to excel at something that you can excel at. This is something that is fundamental to me. It has been in the back of my mind since I was 12 years old, and sometimes at the front of my mind, too. I heard someone say that, everyone has a passion in life, something that makes them tick, keeps them going, but for most people that something is family. I thankfully do have a loving family of me and my brother and my mom. But I have no interest in raising kids. I'd love to have a partner I truly vibe with, but for me, my career is what makes me tick. I suppose there are other great things out there besides medicine. Like for example I think some of the top philanthropic donors are doing incredible things. For example Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg are heroes with what they're doing with their foundations. It's just you can help so many people when you give away billions of dollars. So I mean I guess there are other ways to make a difference out there too. But medicine is still a career I want to take up. And I realized I'd love to do research in addition to practicing medicine. It's a dream come true. If research life is a sterile life, then that is okay. I still want a strong purpose in my life, and if that's what needs to happen, then so be it. I'm willing to make that sacrifice of constantly being worked for a 100 hours a week, if it means I am making a difference.
So anyways, of course I would accept any MD acceptance to any school in the US or Canada. But if I could choose, I would choose to do an MD/PhD at an American school. If I can do that, I would be over the moon. I would be over the moon for an MD, but the MD/PhD is my new goal. It is my new passion. I'm not holding my breath for this obviously. Still my chances are best at UBC, and I'm not convinced an MD/PhD is even worth it in Canada. So if I only get into UBC or another Canadian school, then I will likely simply do an MD. Which is fine with me too. It's still an excellent option. So I just gotta get there.
I'm going to be done all of my classes for a bachelor of science in biology very soon. I'm going to be done all the courses in either November or December, but likely December. This is all very close now!
I haven't even really tried to calculate a tentative GPA for when December rolls around. But I'll be an okay place. Not spectactular, but getting there.
So the next big question is what do I do next January?
My new long term tentative plan is to do a second degree in biochemistry or another field, then do a premed post-bacc in the United States. I'm willing to do 2 or 3 post-bacc's if I am still not holding an acceptance in a few years time. The reason it is not insane is because one post bacc would be an undergrad post-bacc and the second would be a master's degree, and then the last final option to try to get in would be an SMP. It's a long time from now. But I'm trying to do everything I can to make sure this doesn't slip away. I also cannot afford to get any more B's! But luckily for me, I think this part is not super complicated for me. It is quite difficult. But with the right work ethic and efficiency and critical decision making, I think I can get the proper grades I need. I always have been able to when I stayed on the right path. I've just been distracted or lost focus and got disengaged in the past. You cannot believe how much I wish I had my current self as an advisor to my younger self. So anyways with this new plan of:
second-degree ------> undergrad premed post-bacc --------> graduate premed post-bacc --------> SMP
in that specific order. That will give me my best chance to ensure that I will never not be accepted to a Canadian/US MD school. Doing anything else other than this just seems like too much risk for me. I've been reading more about the US system, and they have such staunch and rigid views on certain things. That fact, given with my academic history, means that I need to plan and prepare to ensure success. Could I whip together an application to UBC MD this summer? Yes of course. But would it be my absolute best application I have? Do I also have the proper skills currently to score extremely high on the USMLE? These are the questions I'm asking myself. I can't just be all willy nilly here and just go with the flow. I don't think that's the right thing to do for me. What if I don't score extremely well on the USMLE? Then I can't do the residency I want? Forget that. My world view is that I am in total control of everything I do, in terms of my career. There is always a way. I think improvement in performance is totally achievable. Sure I can't get a high score on the USMLE right now, but I think in some years I will be able to. But had I never failed and got into med school at 22, then I'd be writing the USMLE right about now. There's no way I'd be in a position to score so high on that test right now. I understand knowledge is like distance, but there's also something to be said about the maturation process. I simply flat out think that even if I was just hypothetically finishing up the middle of med school right now and writing the USMLEs, there's no way I'd ace them to get into a neurosurgical residency. I just don't think I would've been there mentally. I can't speak to the exam, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's hard, hah. So isn't it kind of funny then, that maybe things worked out for the better by me failing? I think had I not failed in university, I would've failed in med school. I just didn't have the fundamentals in my early twenties. But now, I really don't think I've ever been smarter than I am right now. So maybe everything worked out in the best way possible. I'd rather be a neurosurgeon than anything else, so why not just go for that? I'm not a fan of broken dreams....I'm not going to let that happen.
Wow that was quite the long post. I need to post more, so that I have less to say! Haha. Will post again very soon. Goodnight and take care and love you all.
Thursday, 9 February 2017
JCI
Just checking in...it has snowed so much here (west coast of Canada)! I've been avoiding posting on the blog. Mostly because I've been trying to get my average up to 80% for UBC by June. Will post more Saturday or Sunday night. Talk soon and take care!
Monday, 16 January 2017
Brushing up on Math And Turning Resiliency Into Results
So I've been working on math, haven't yet finished that first assignment, but getting there. I have found that I am a bit deficient in some of the precalc knowledge that I think will be quite handy come exam time. So instead of finishing Up the first chapter, I'm going through a couple of the appendices in the back of the textbook to brush up on old knowledge. This is what has set me back a little. The appendices have dozens of questions at the end of each section as well, so I'm of course going to do those too. Hopefully this will be a good base. I'll supplement with Khan Academy at some point too.
It's strange to think it's been it's been over 8 years since I successfully completed a math course. I've registered a couple times, but never finished the courses. I also failed it in first semester of first year way back when, along with the other courses. I'm thankful for my life and happy now, but sometimes I wonder what could have been. Where would I be right now if things had been different?
I know thinking like this doesn't get me anywhere. It's just things are a lot more difficult in my basic science courses. If I can pass math and chemistry next month, it'll be my first completed science courses since the fall of 2011 (if you go by the USA definition of BCMP). These online science classes are very solitary. Just given the last decade of my life, it made me wonder if I should leave all this medicine stuff behind. It makes me sad just thinking about leaving. But as I look around, I'm realizing and thinking to myself, Hey, I've been here before...
-I had troubles excelling in my grade school courses. What did I do? I put more honest time and effort in and I performed quite well, for how new the whole studying lifestyle was to me. Along with this I became so close with my friends who had similar goals. I would describe my high school career as incredible.
-I had troubles with university. What did I do? After a certain amount of attempts, I said enough is enough and took a 1 year break. I returned to school in one calendar year and I I knew this was my last shot to keep the dream alive. I registered in 3 humanities courses and got the best grades I ever received. Also around this time I met a girl I loved and even though we aren't together anymore I have no regrets.
So many other things have happened in my life where I thought I was down and out but I just keep coming back. I was actually on my deathbed once. Maybe I'll post about it one day but no guarantees. This along with other less major setbacks in my life have shaped who I am. I just have this chip on my shoulder and a never say die attitude. My life or death experience was actually incredible. If I can fight my way through death and come back alive, all this other stuff is pretty enjoyable. My life or death experience is actually what convinced me and sealed the deal that I should try to go to medical school.
I know that I will persevere and do everything to give myself a shot at MD schools. I have the time and motivation. I just think some doubts arise in the environment of a premed. For example basically all of my good friends have considered the idea of pursuing medical school, but not one of them still is. I think if things are getting difficult, sometimes you just need a reminder of why you wanted that thing in the first place. You probably weren't wrong the first time...
Anyways, things were feeling tough but I feel a lot better after writing this. I think a question I could ask myself is, am I really trying my best right now?. If the answer is no, then the action is simple, try harder. Try the absolute hardest you could ever try at something. I mean we only have so many days on this earth. This is an idea that has resonated with me from a beautiful poem. I will share the poem soon on here soon. It's lovely because it reminds me why things in life are important.
Definitely going to get back at those math problems. Talk Soon!
It's strange to think it's been it's been over 8 years since I successfully completed a math course. I've registered a couple times, but never finished the courses. I also failed it in first semester of first year way back when, along with the other courses. I'm thankful for my life and happy now, but sometimes I wonder what could have been. Where would I be right now if things had been different?
I know thinking like this doesn't get me anywhere. It's just things are a lot more difficult in my basic science courses. If I can pass math and chemistry next month, it'll be my first completed science courses since the fall of 2011 (if you go by the USA definition of BCMP). These online science classes are very solitary. Just given the last decade of my life, it made me wonder if I should leave all this medicine stuff behind. It makes me sad just thinking about leaving. But as I look around, I'm realizing and thinking to myself, Hey, I've been here before...
-I had troubles excelling in my grade school courses. What did I do? I put more honest time and effort in and I performed quite well, for how new the whole studying lifestyle was to me. Along with this I became so close with my friends who had similar goals. I would describe my high school career as incredible.
-I had troubles with university. What did I do? After a certain amount of attempts, I said enough is enough and took a 1 year break. I returned to school in one calendar year and I I knew this was my last shot to keep the dream alive. I registered in 3 humanities courses and got the best grades I ever received. Also around this time I met a girl I loved and even though we aren't together anymore I have no regrets.
So many other things have happened in my life where I thought I was down and out but I just keep coming back. I was actually on my deathbed once. Maybe I'll post about it one day but no guarantees. This along with other less major setbacks in my life have shaped who I am. I just have this chip on my shoulder and a never say die attitude. My life or death experience was actually incredible. If I can fight my way through death and come back alive, all this other stuff is pretty enjoyable. My life or death experience is actually what convinced me and sealed the deal that I should try to go to medical school.
I know that I will persevere and do everything to give myself a shot at MD schools. I have the time and motivation. I just think some doubts arise in the environment of a premed. For example basically all of my good friends have considered the idea of pursuing medical school, but not one of them still is. I think if things are getting difficult, sometimes you just need a reminder of why you wanted that thing in the first place. You probably weren't wrong the first time...
Anyways, things were feeling tough but I feel a lot better after writing this. I think a question I could ask myself is, am I really trying my best right now?. If the answer is no, then the action is simple, try harder. Try the absolute hardest you could ever try at something. I mean we only have so many days on this earth. This is an idea that has resonated with me from a beautiful poem. I will share the poem soon on here soon. It's lovely because it reminds me why things in life are important.
Definitely going to get back at those math problems. Talk Soon!
Tuesday, 10 January 2017
Cyclohexane - A Strain-Free Ring
Right now I'm just about to read about why cyclohexane is a strain free ring. It's interesting because cyclopropane and cyclobutane exhibit lots of strain, and cyclopentane, less so. This is where I'm at in my organic chem course. I've been doing pretty well. Quite well actually. Over the holidays I did not do any work on Orgnaic chem, but since January 2nd I've put a lot of work into that course. The period between Xmas eve and New Years was time spent with my friends and family. It actually seems like so long ago because my days have been so long since then. Luckily the tasks for the business have been minimal this month as well, so I haven't lost any time to that of late. But in December I was very busy with the business.
But anyways doing this organic chem course has been an absolute grind. Long days. But it actually feels so good. I started this course a long time ago, but haven't worked on it much. But the amount of work I've done in the last week feels so good. Organic chem is the type of course that you can just get immersed in. Or I can at least. I've realized that I love that feeling of sitting down at your desk, starting to study when the sun is rising, continue onwards for hours, until the sun has gone down and still studying, learning, figuring things out and getting that "clicking" feeling each step of the way, until I t's night time. It is crazy how much you can learn in one day if you just put your mind to it and give it a good, focused, honest, sincere effort. I can't help but think what my marks would be like if I did this for every class. Speaking of which, I've realized I love the hard sciences. I just love them. I can't wait to do physics again. Physics and math were my favourite courses in high school. I was actually strongly considering doing a math degree in grade 12. Anyways it's safe to say I'm rejuvenated mentally. I'm still tired, but I'm going to be pushing through. There's still 3 weeks left in January and I'm going to see what I can do. By that I mean how fast can I go and what kind of marks can I get. I've got math, organic chem, and bio on my plate right now. Math and organic are quite time intensive, so I'm thankful for the bio "break" as well. Although I'm not sure how much of a break bio is haha. Less taxing maybe, but still time intensive now that I think about it.
Anyways I'm going to post a more specific update once I get more done. I'm about 45% of the way through my organic chem class (had to relearn parts I didn't remember from 7 months ago, and brush up on all others), and just starting the first bit of my bio and math classes. Depending on my mood I'm going to either finish a math assignment or a bio assignment, hopefully by Friday night. Although I'm aiming for Friday morning. I'm taking a little break from organic chem right now but I'll jump back into it soon. Talk soon!
But anyways doing this organic chem course has been an absolute grind. Long days. But it actually feels so good. I started this course a long time ago, but haven't worked on it much. But the amount of work I've done in the last week feels so good. Organic chem is the type of course that you can just get immersed in. Or I can at least. I've realized that I love that feeling of sitting down at your desk, starting to study when the sun is rising, continue onwards for hours, until the sun has gone down and still studying, learning, figuring things out and getting that "clicking" feeling each step of the way, until I t's night time. It is crazy how much you can learn in one day if you just put your mind to it and give it a good, focused, honest, sincere effort. I can't help but think what my marks would be like if I did this for every class. Speaking of which, I've realized I love the hard sciences. I just love them. I can't wait to do physics again. Physics and math were my favourite courses in high school. I was actually strongly considering doing a math degree in grade 12. Anyways it's safe to say I'm rejuvenated mentally. I'm still tired, but I'm going to be pushing through. There's still 3 weeks left in January and I'm going to see what I can do. By that I mean how fast can I go and what kind of marks can I get. I've got math, organic chem, and bio on my plate right now. Math and organic are quite time intensive, so I'm thankful for the bio "break" as well. Although I'm not sure how much of a break bio is haha. Less taxing maybe, but still time intensive now that I think about it.
Anyways I'm going to post a more specific update once I get more done. I'm about 45% of the way through my organic chem class (had to relearn parts I didn't remember from 7 months ago, and brush up on all others), and just starting the first bit of my bio and math classes. Depending on my mood I'm going to either finish a math assignment or a bio assignment, hopefully by Friday night. Although I'm aiming for Friday morning. I'm taking a little break from organic chem right now but I'll jump back into it soon. Talk soon!
Friday, 23 December 2016
Good Minus
My final mark in my English course was an A-. I was really disappointed with this. If I had just done better on my final, I would've got an A for sure. I guess the name of the game for me is consistency. If I can just follow through this semester in January, I can definitely improve my application to med schools.
But, considering I was always really bad at English, this is definitely an improvement. I'm pretty certain I got like a 73 in high school English. And I was not a slacker in high school.
The amount of time that this whole med school timeline has been taking had started to take a toll on my optimism. But there is a new game changer in the works for me. For almost 4 years now I had been taking a medication for mood. The medication has always given me great fatigue, but I always just managed as best as I could. And sometimes I couldn't manage. Well now, I've come up with a plan with my doctor to go off the medication, hopefully reducing my debilitating physical fatigue and giving me more energy and maybe even feeling normal again. I won't see the reduction in fatigue until at least a month from now, and it may take longer to adjust, maybe 3-6 months. Anyways this is a huge development for me because now without fatigue, I can undoubtedly perform better. Going off the medication was my idea, and my doctor was very hesitant, but I basically told him enough is enough. It is unlikely I would've been able to complete medical training with these physical fatigue levels to begin with, before even starting. My family doctor actually told me this (and I think I posted about it, hah something about how I was going to make it work). And now reflecting back, it makes a lot of sense. This whole time I thought I just wasn't getting enough sleep or eating too much fat. And while those contribute, the difference between myself on the medication and the rest of my life that I wasn't on the medication, is tremendously stark. This is always why I was hesitant to study for the MCAT. Because I didn't know if I had the physical stamina to study 8 hours a day for 3 months straight. Now I'm feeling a lot more optimistic about the MCAT.
I'm still hoping to finish much of my organic chemistry course by New Years Eve. I told myself Christmas wouldn't get in the way, but that's easier said than done. Especially if your friends are calling you every day to make sure you're coming to the Christmas party tonight. I'm going because I think it would be fun. And not going would be a bit much. So I'm going to go tonight, and I've gotta clean the house today for Christmas. On Saturday it is unlikely I'm going to do homework because all of my closest family is in town so I think we may spend the day together then have our Christmss Eve dinner. We always have our turkey dinner on Christmas Eve. So I might start up organic chemistry again on Christmas Day, then work straight through until December 31st. I self imposed a January 1st deadline because I'm writing the final exam on something like January 12th. So that will be great to finally get this course out of the way. I need to do everything right, one step at a time. And another important thing that I was reflecting on after I got my English mark was that I need to become a dedicated student again. I need to prioritize school above the business, day-to-day things, friends, and anything else that might occupy my time on any given day. I realized I need to be a dedicated student, or else med school will never happen. Dedication is an important word for being a student. It means you will always do your required work, no matter what happens. It almost implies that a student is studying for a higher purpose rather than just putting in a check mark on a box. The latter is what's I've been doing. I've been barely getting by. It's because I've been wanting to do as little as work as possible. Granted, a huge part of it is how fatigued I am every single day. But still, I think a shift in thinking needs to happen. It means less fun in my life, but it's a trade off I'm willing to take. For now I'll focus on the next couple weeks, and dedicate myself to my studies so I can finish organic chem. I'm excited to decide which course I'm going to work on after organic chem.
Anyways MERRY CHRISTMAS 🎄 to all you incredible and wonderful people. Ill enjoy it while it lasts, because in all likelihood, 36 hours from now I will be knee-deep in figuring out my 2nd (out of 6) unit of organic chemistry. I'll start the updates once I finish some more units. Talk soon take care and Merrry Xmas.
But, considering I was always really bad at English, this is definitely an improvement. I'm pretty certain I got like a 73 in high school English. And I was not a slacker in high school.
The amount of time that this whole med school timeline has been taking had started to take a toll on my optimism. But there is a new game changer in the works for me. For almost 4 years now I had been taking a medication for mood. The medication has always given me great fatigue, but I always just managed as best as I could. And sometimes I couldn't manage. Well now, I've come up with a plan with my doctor to go off the medication, hopefully reducing my debilitating physical fatigue and giving me more energy and maybe even feeling normal again. I won't see the reduction in fatigue until at least a month from now, and it may take longer to adjust, maybe 3-6 months. Anyways this is a huge development for me because now without fatigue, I can undoubtedly perform better. Going off the medication was my idea, and my doctor was very hesitant, but I basically told him enough is enough. It is unlikely I would've been able to complete medical training with these physical fatigue levels to begin with, before even starting. My family doctor actually told me this (and I think I posted about it, hah something about how I was going to make it work). And now reflecting back, it makes a lot of sense. This whole time I thought I just wasn't getting enough sleep or eating too much fat. And while those contribute, the difference between myself on the medication and the rest of my life that I wasn't on the medication, is tremendously stark. This is always why I was hesitant to study for the MCAT. Because I didn't know if I had the physical stamina to study 8 hours a day for 3 months straight. Now I'm feeling a lot more optimistic about the MCAT.
I'm still hoping to finish much of my organic chemistry course by New Years Eve. I told myself Christmas wouldn't get in the way, but that's easier said than done. Especially if your friends are calling you every day to make sure you're coming to the Christmas party tonight. I'm going because I think it would be fun. And not going would be a bit much. So I'm going to go tonight, and I've gotta clean the house today for Christmas. On Saturday it is unlikely I'm going to do homework because all of my closest family is in town so I think we may spend the day together then have our Christmss Eve dinner. We always have our turkey dinner on Christmas Eve. So I might start up organic chemistry again on Christmas Day, then work straight through until December 31st. I self imposed a January 1st deadline because I'm writing the final exam on something like January 12th. So that will be great to finally get this course out of the way. I need to do everything right, one step at a time. And another important thing that I was reflecting on after I got my English mark was that I need to become a dedicated student again. I need to prioritize school above the business, day-to-day things, friends, and anything else that might occupy my time on any given day. I realized I need to be a dedicated student, or else med school will never happen. Dedication is an important word for being a student. It means you will always do your required work, no matter what happens. It almost implies that a student is studying for a higher purpose rather than just putting in a check mark on a box. The latter is what's I've been doing. I've been barely getting by. It's because I've been wanting to do as little as work as possible. Granted, a huge part of it is how fatigued I am every single day. But still, I think a shift in thinking needs to happen. It means less fun in my life, but it's a trade off I'm willing to take. For now I'll focus on the next couple weeks, and dedicate myself to my studies so I can finish organic chem. I'm excited to decide which course I'm going to work on after organic chem.
Anyways MERRY CHRISTMAS 🎄 to all you incredible and wonderful people. Ill enjoy it while it lasts, because in all likelihood, 36 hours from now I will be knee-deep in figuring out my 2nd (out of 6) unit of organic chemistry. I'll start the updates once I finish some more units. Talk soon take care and Merrry Xmas.
Friday, 16 December 2016
English Final Exam Thoughts
@$%#! That final exam for English was awful. It's not that it was too hard, it's just that I didn't perform well. I was slow in the beginning of the exam because I was organizing my thoughts for the essay for a while. The reason I was slow is because I didn't get a full chance to tidy up a few things and thoughts for my ideas about essay topics this morning. I went to bed late last night and accidentally set my alarm for 7pm instead of 7am. I use my phone for reminders in the daytime so that's why I had it on PM from yesterday. And I was just tired when I set it and didn't check if it was AM or PM. Usually it wouldn't be an issue because I wake up reasonably within time naturally anyways, but if you're going to bed really late because you're cramming then this exact situation could be detrimental if you don't wake up naturally at the right time (which personally usually happens to me without an alarm). It could prove to be determintal for you just as it did for me in this situation. Anyways I was rushing the last minute prep this morning, and the prep took longer than I thought. Showed up late to the exam, had less time, was still doing prep in the beginning of the exam (was organizing my thesis in my head to make sure it made full sense), took a long time to write the exam because I'm not a person who ever finishes early. I'm always the last person in the room during the exam. Always. Anyways this pefrect storm no doubt lead to a reduced mark on my essay. I wouldn't be surprised if I got 60% on the final. Moral of the story always check to make sure your alarm is set for AM, as well as well as the right time.
Luckily I did well enough in the latter half of the course, up to the exam, to provide a good buffer. I did manage to finish up my last assignment and I received 90% on it (worth 5% of final mark). So in total I'm looking okay. Basically the final exam didn't make the course grade useless. I can't make a prediction because I have no idea what mark I'm gonna receive on my final. Hopefully it's not an awful B+ but we will see.
I need to cheer myself up. I should submit an organic chem assignment and get 95 on it to make me feel better. Yeah that's what I'll do. On Sunday it'll be done. Done deal.
Happy Friday though! Hope people have some Christmas fun. I'll be studying everyday this Christmas, but that's irrelevant. My point is I want to live through you guys, haha so have some fun for me. Going out, movies, family, hobbies, volunteering, reading or whatever. Just enjoy yourselves because Christmas is a great time of year. People noticeably act different (nicer) so we all might as well make the most of the December joy. Don't worry I'll post plenty before Christmas too. Talk soon!
Luckily I did well enough in the latter half of the course, up to the exam, to provide a good buffer. I did manage to finish up my last assignment and I received 90% on it (worth 5% of final mark). So in total I'm looking okay. Basically the final exam didn't make the course grade useless. I can't make a prediction because I have no idea what mark I'm gonna receive on my final. Hopefully it's not an awful B+ but we will see.
I need to cheer myself up. I should submit an organic chem assignment and get 95 on it to make me feel better. Yeah that's what I'll do. On Sunday it'll be done. Done deal.
Happy Friday though! Hope people have some Christmas fun. I'll be studying everyday this Christmas, but that's irrelevant. My point is I want to live through you guys, haha so have some fun for me. Going out, movies, family, hobbies, volunteering, reading or whatever. Just enjoy yourselves because Christmas is a great time of year. People noticeably act different (nicer) so we all might as well make the most of the December joy. Don't worry I'll post plenty before Christmas too. Talk soon!
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