Track Dreams

This year has been a crazy year for me. I developed a novel research target, ran a sub 4 minute mile, met and conversed with researchers, got invited to labs and grad programs, re-entered not just the lecture hall, but also the laboratory. And to top it off, I had a ton of fun doing it all too.

But now I am entering a period of transition. To me, my track dreams are too strong to ignore right now. I can run in the Olympics and win. I actually can’t believe I got this damn good at track just like this. The way my life is turning out is unlike anything I could’ve ever imagined would unfold in the way it did. The experiences I have made me stronger. I love myself, I love my institutions and my family and friends and this past week I applied to be on the national team. I’ll update as soon as I hear back. I want to run all the short distances in track and dominate international competition, and if I could do my honours thesis and travel for research at the same time, I don’t even know what to write anymore. It is the ambitions in my mind and fostered by the environment that drive me. I am a strong contributor to science, but I want to continue onwards with science to receive a PhD. Graduate studies would be impeccable for me. Medicine may still be in the cards, as if I am able to publish, my work would be right up there with the others that came before me. Medicine is fine and dandy, but is rife with inherent problems, many of which are avoidable. My research aims to correct at least some of the world’s disease burden. 

I really hope the national team coaches get back to me this month about track development. I was offered to train with a decorated Canadian athletics program, but I have essentially turned it down for now. 

Also I applied for a pretty special scholarship today. Hoping they get back to me as well. 

I’ve got some exams in December but I can’t wait for January. My number 1 priority are finances then track and then school. I need to perform this coming year to put myself in contention for the Pan Am games. This is the life I’ve always wanted and now I’m in the process of doing it. Factually speaking, only a small percentage of humans have ever accomplished what I have. After my groin heals up, I’m looking to run hard. I’m going to attend a track meet in January in the US, and potentially one in December too if I can get right for it. 

I am elated with goals and my life so far. I will continue on with my coursework, research, financial commitments, and track dreams. 

Research Project Proposal

So I just finished applying for a research award, it was tiring because it’s 3am (had dinner out w/ family at a fancy smancy place then just powered through that award application pretty well.

Something really disheartening I heard today is that a researcher I spoke with fund so his lab out of his own pocket. If this stays the way it is, I may not enter graduate school. Why the research budget is so low is a bit troublesome. This is one of the things that concerns me. I’ve had a hectic few months, so tomorrow I’m gonna deal with emails and calls, clean my place and then just watch whatever football game is on. Oh and I’ll push some weight at the gym so I’ll do that since it’s so good for my brain. I might just recharge and study again on Friday. But I might get an hour or two complete tomorrow if there’s something I have to sort out.

So about that

So remember all that stuff about athletic training? Well all of that came true. I can run a world class time pretty easily. So I may pursue this route a bit further. I’m pretty happy and pretty grateful. I have to get some American coaches videotape of me running ( gonna need someone to record me too). I may not run another time like that for 3 months. The reason is to save my body for the stress that will be exhibited. Here’s my plan..Olympics in 2020, no joke. It’s just a bit tricky navigating this process because a lot is at stake. But I’m just wondering, how hard would med school be on my body. I’m not sure if the answer but I’m pretty tired. I’ll post my thoughts on the novel prizes this week as well.

Goodnight and take care.

First day back in the lab

So today is my first day back in the lab. This lab will have implications for my research project. I know oftentimes not everything is black or white, but I really feel like I have to succeed here. Just a bit nervous because I have a busy morning this morning, but I will consolidate my learning before my lab. A lot of the processes I have done, but it's a) been a while and b) pretty rigorous

Nonetheless my game plan is to do some lab prep for an hour or two. In this hour I will determine all of the processes and then write them out from memory. Then after that I will write the quiz, go to the gym, then go see who is in the lab help dropin room. It's been 6 years so I need this right now. But onwards and upwards people. I will never have enough time in medicine. There will be patients' lives that depend upon my diligence and time management skills, either alone or as a part of the team. But I'll try out this lab and see how it goes, after 6 long hard years, I'm ready for this.

Hey yeah

Hey yeah hey hows it going, yeah so blog stuff I don't know. I'm working on a research project. Can't give details. Hoping to lock down some funding for the research. I know I can lock it down but i don't want to wait any longer to lock it down. Working out was going incredibly well before I started the research, and I ran a very fast mile time one day. I have no idea if anyone I've met even reads this blog, but hey yeah life is life and things happen. I can't help but miss certain people in my life. Anyways I have an exam that I'm going to ace this weekend. But the main thing going on in my life is that I'm looking to steer my research project and complete the project. It's looking promising to be honest but I'm aware of how everything can come crashing down in an instant. Anyways I'm up because I ate some junk food around midnight, but aside from once a week, I only eat plants. All food is bad for you. Except plants. And I take a few supppemnts now too. Honestly if you're reading this blog of mine and we have met then you should email me. Just email me to say hi, I'd appreciate talking to you.

Anyways ok so is everyone gearing up for September?
Why do it sound like everyone wants to put it off as long as possible?

Ok so I'll just come out and say it. I am not applying to any Canadian med school except maybe uoft or McGill. I'm going to apply to medical school in the US as that is the country I will enter and live and work in. Studying at a prominent US institution is a dream of mine. But I seriously should work out. I would if it want 3am. Ok also if anyone in Vancouver wants to try a workout buddy like myself then email me.

The research I've done has been incredible so far. It's been an intense few weeks but it feels like years have passed. Does anyone know of any good molecular bio workshops? I can travel anywhere for it. Anyways message me for any variety of things. Except fruit I have no fruit.

Also I've been meeting some Canadian doctors and have not been impressed by everyone. That confirmed my hypothesis that I knew all along. Anyways I'm starting a tutor service message me if you are unable to find the answers yourself. But if you are unable to even send the message then the tutoring might not be worth it. I can't wait to teach in resdiency. I'm such a leader that it's noteve funny (ok that was funny). Vanilla ice cream is delicious by the way.

I'm looking forward to my postbacc (next year?). But anyways I'm doing courses at Harvard that start on aug 28th but depending on the research I may move down ther or somewhere else in the US. (L) take care stay strong in the face of adversity. you'll be doing it every day as a doctor.

All moved in, but not quite settled in

Hey everybody! So I just moved back to Vancouver and boy was moving all of our stuff from our family house a big job. We had lived there for 14 years and I definitely underestimated how big of a move it was. Luckily we saved thousands because we just did all the moving ourselves. But it sure did take a lot of time. 

I did email about 3 faculty asking if any research oppportubities might be available to me. Only one got back to me and he very succinctly said no current opportunities exist. I know 3 is not very many, but i was planning on doing it in a staggered way, in descending order of my preference for the lab. These 3 seemed so great so I was definitely disappointed with the result. I'm not sure if putting that I'm a mature student puts me at a disadvantage or not. I thought one of the professors would've been open to it.

Anyways I'm feeling a little bit apprehensive of if I should get involved with some ECs right away now or wait to have some more courses under my belt in a month. I LOVE the idea of getting involved in ECs again because it has been so long since I did any! I had what I think to be a really great idea for an EC volunteering activity. It's definitely time intensive for a volunteering pursuit, but I'm hoping that that time and dedication will be evident in my application too. But I was certifiably excited to do this EC because it seemed like a really awesome idea to me.

But I'm really hoping I get a volunteer research position by September. By then I'll have all of general Chem and two semesters of organic chem under my belt as well. And I'm hoping to be done a genetics course or two as well. I'm living in downtown Vancouver so if I could get a position at St. Paul's Hospital that would be incredible. I think that'll be my reward, if I finish enough math this week with high enough marks then I might start sending out emails for volunteer research positions at St. Paul's. I think if I read into their research in an in depth way AND email every single researcher then I may stand a chance lol. That'll be my goal for this week. I also have to finish some more of my anatomy course by Monday too. The course is an advanced anatomy course so I figured if I get an A+ that will quell any concerns about my lat B- in my last anatomy and physiology course. I'll post an update at the end of the week. 

End of a pretty good Week, and Lab Cold-Calling

So I have been doing really well of late on staying focused on my courses...like studying all day and all night type of thing. Earlier this year I decided to just step back from other things like the business and just focus on school. I know there is enough time in a week to technically manage both, but I just decided not to make it so hard on myself. I have to walk before I can run anyways, so to speak. But wow the first year sciences are tiring! I forgot how hard these were, and I definitely underestimated them. I've been working on a couple since December, which right now is Gen Chem 1 and Calc 1. And I've been working on Orgo 1 much prior to that as well, but I put that on hold to try to finish Gen Chem 1 first. I don't know if I've posted this on here, but I haven't completed or passed a science course since October of 2011. I did finish a year of first year anatomy and physiology a couple years ago, but I found those courses to be a little bit on the easy side. No math involved. But it feels so good doing these science courses, I got away from them in the past, just to try to get some confidence in other courses because I felt like maybe science was too hard for me. But now I'm definitely getting it pretty well. I'm getting around an 85 in both gen chem 1 and calc 1. But I still have quite  a few marks to get with some more assignments in both, and of course both final exams which are worth 50%. So my mark could literally be anything. I have been chipping away at these courses for some time, but this week felt like a good strong week, because the hours put in of pure learning were strong. There was somewhere around 20-25 hours of pure learning. But that figure doesn't include the "in-between" sort of stuff. The in-between stuff being googling concepts I don't understand and other small things like definitions of words or figuring out their context in how it plays in the big picture of the bigger concept and of the unit of the course, and then relating that to how it fits in biologically for the MCAT. So I don't count all the hours that I'm technically doing homework. But I've just started to write down the amount of hours that are high yield learning. My total school work hours this week are easily over 40 hours because it is all I've been doing all day and all night. And the week isn't even over yet for me!

I really like writing about the "machanics" of studying, specifically in the sciences. Just because I don't think most people talk about this stuff. We might all see the A grade at the end of the semester that someone gets, but for me, I'm so curious as to not just how, but specifically how. What is the process like? What were the exact things you did? It seems to be summed up with practice questions and reading the concepts. But I don't know what the disconnect is, because it has proven to be difficult for so many students who enter first year university, and it will continue to be so. So a great deal of people must end up doing the whole school thing the wrong way. We all know about how in first year bio the prof may ask how many of you want to go to med school and 90% of the class raises their hand. But the attrition rate is pretty high in my experience. That being at a general science program at a general Canadian university. I suppose Mac health sci puts high numbers into medicine, and maybe a couple others at lower rates than Mac health sci? But I'm really thankful for the general default pathway to medicine being at least some courses in the sciences. In the states it's pretty well accepted you have to do first year bio, chem, physics and second year organic chem. You can't really get away from that. And then they will calculate a second "science GPA" which is it's own seperate weighting factor aside from cumulative GPA. Here in Canada prereqs aren't universal, and some people never took the sciences and have just studied the MCAT prep books and have found success. But I don't think that is a formula for success. I'm not saying it is impossible for it to work. But it will hardly be predictably successful for all types of students. At least I don't think so.

My study week isn't over though. I'm going to try to have a really good study day tomorrow on Sunday. And then start it all over again on Monday. I have plans tonight with some friends around 5, and after I eat lunch right now (soup and grilled sandwich is getting cold as we speak!), I haven't totally decided whether I'm going to study until then or if I'm going to email profs asking for lab/research opportunities. The reason why emailing will take me a while is because I like to learn about the searchers' field and their research, and try to write something meaningful in my emails, instead of a general "hey do you need free help" email. Because after-all, I am looking for a lab that would give me increasingly more responsibility and opportunities. I am actually incredibly excited for this though! I would love to volunteer in a lab that I like. But I'm just worried that no prof will get back to me haha. It is really close to summer already, but my timeline didn't start in September. And I don't want to have no ECs this entire summer. The ECs are definitely needed to break up the studying. I personally love the traditional ECs. Clinical experience would be nice, and I'm really excited to get involved with research. I've actually been thinking about getting an EMT certification, or something along those lines. I got the idea because the Duke post-bacc program offers the certification as part of their master's degree curriculum. Unfortunately they don't accept Canadians though so I had to cross that off the list. But I still thought it was a good idea so I might explore that option more. I think it would be great experience, but I don't know anything about the field or their training. I took standard first aid many years ago, but I don't know about which certifications to pick and what not. Because I think there is EMT, EMR, and of course paramedic. I wouldn't have the time to be a full blown paramedic, and I'm not sure what the process is like in Canada. But in the US the process seemed easier because the EMT program is very short, and there were plenty of EMT job postings. I don't know if you have to be a full blown paramedic everywhere in Canada, or if you can get away with one of these shorter training periods? It's something I'd like to look in to. I'm not set on it yet, but I want to explore it. I think it would be quite exciting, which is a major plus for me. Might be a good contrast with the lab and the coursework. Just to give me some diversity in my week.

Happy Saturday to everyone and I hope everyone has a good rest of the weekend!

Imminent Exams Around the Corner and New MSTP Musings

Hey everyone. Sorry about the posting infrequency! Just totally forgot to post and didn't realize it had been so long. Maybe I didn't realize because of how old I'm getting now. Haha this is something I think about every so often, is that I'm 25 and still not in med school and likely won't get an acceptance in the immediate term. It honestly just feels like 3 months ago I was 23. It's really too bad that it has been so long since I hammered out a good full semester, I do feel like I dropped the ball there. But I know I can't dwell on it too long and let it ruin me. If I just continue with my coursework in the proper sequence, at a full time rate, then I know I will at least be giving myself a good solid chance (a college try if you will). But anyways it's been so long I haven't posted about the new plans.

Before I get into the plan, I should update where I'm at. I'm hoping to have an 80% average quite soon. Not sure if it will be June, but it's looking good for shortly after that. But the big new development and realization I've come to is.....I want to be a doctor in the United States. I would honestly rather live the rest of my life in the US. If I wasn't trying to get into medicine, I would be moving there right now. I have just absolutely come to love the US. I'm actually a little obsessed. I'll write more about that later. But anyways, in order to make it work in the US, I need to try to get over there sooner rather than later. Which leads me in a new direction more or less. I still want to be a doctor. But I think it's more important that I try to be a physician-scientist, specifically a surgeon-scientist in the US. I would love to be one of the top docs at a major US medical center (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_centers_in_the_United_States). I've realized I think it is just the right thing to do. I mean if I was a surgeon, and my patients knew I was actively doing scientific research in the lab and running a large and extensive basic science lab to figure out the most fundamental aspect of the diseases of which they are afflicted, I think they would really appreciate that I'm trying to do everything I can to help them. I don't need personal time. I don't need a family or a frequent social life. Don't get me wrong I'll take every chance I can get to have fun and balance myself. But I think there's just so many more bigger things out there. I've come to realize the importance of research. I had never ruled out research before. In fact I was very interested in it. But I assumed if I had an MD it wouldn't matter if I didn't have a PhD. And that may be true. But I don't think it makes much sense. I think I will make myself the most desirable candidate to try to get the top jobs in the country (US) and more or less the top medical jobs in the world I guess you could say? I mean what would be better than being a top doc at a top institution? I'd be seeing patients and operating in the OR and then I'd be doing lab work as well. I want to be a doctor who does basic science research. I want to ensure that I am doing my part to advance the field as best as I can. So why not just do a PhD then? Well that is a very good question in theory. But for me, I can't let go of being a doctor. I love the social aspect of medicine, as well as the challenge it provides to anyone who's practicing it. I also love how it feels like a sport; ie. the team aspect of medicine, where everyone on the team is skilled and provides value and we are all in this together to help a sick patient, or a dying patient. I think that would allow me to be so fulfilled. If there are any residents reading this, I realize it is probably not as dramatic as I'm making it sound, and I realize there are bad things about the job, but I mean if you're going to be sour and crusty during your residency, I would say you should probably still look at the facts I just presented. And if your negative facts are more important than my positive facts, then I don't know what else to say. If you didn't know what you signed up for maybe you should've done some more research? I hate to be like this, but I think all these crusty residents telling people to not go into medicine is a really horrible thing. Why discourage people from entering the field? Have any of you actually worked a real life job for more than a few years? I don't know how you can be upset. If you are upset with being a resident, then I'd say you were never cut out for it in the first place. And despite not being cut out from it, I'm not sure why you're not actively trying to better yourself to do a better job. I spoke with a prominent Canadian surgeon in an email, and he just loves his job. I've heard him speak on the news and on TV shows, and his confidence is off the charts and he just oozes that persona. I don't know how to put my finger on it. It has nothing to do with being a TV doc, he's an older guy and I can tell he's not into the glitz and glam. But he just has that more so of a reserved confidence. He is reserved, but he is strong and fierce against everything that comes against him. His training profile is ridiculous. I think he has like 8 years of surgery and then maybe like 4 fellowships? I'm not sure how many years in total, I actually lost track when I read his bio. He is really a magnificent person. This is what medicine is supposed to be like. And you know what, all of these disenfranchised residents might put on a good face and do their job the best way, and maybe they come home and hate themselves. But if that does happen to me, I would still rather figure that out on my own. I absolutely need to try it, in case that I'm not like them and that I actually love my job. I'm not sure what a chief resident is or how many of them there are at a given hospital, but I know I want to be one. I would actually relish working at a hospital all night! I really truly think I would love that. How exciting is that? I love the hospital it is one of my favorite places in the world. I don't know what made me like this, maybe it's cause I grew up poor? But I just don't see things the same way all these other negative people do. I see being a clinician scientist as something that is larger than myself, too. I could not think of a better way to spend a life. There are the few rare pro athletes in the United States, who after finishing their professional careers, they go into medical school and do their medical training. It's obviously not super frequent for many reasons, but I think this still speaks volumes for many reasons. For some people, you want to live the most worthwhile life you can. Do the right things. Live to your fullest potential. Do everything you can to excel at something that you can excel at. This is something that is fundamental to me. It has been in the back of my mind since I was 12 years old, and sometimes at the front of my mind, too. I heard someone say that, everyone has a passion in life, something that makes them tick, keeps them going, but for most people that something is family. I thankfully do have a loving family of me and my brother and my mom. But I have no interest in raising kids. I'd love to have a partner I truly vibe with, but for me, my career is what makes me tick. I suppose there are other great things out there besides medicine. Like for example I think some of the top philanthropic donors are doing incredible things. For example Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg are heroes with what they're doing with their foundations. It's just you can help so many people when you give away billions of dollars. So I mean I guess there are other ways to make a difference out there too. But medicine is still a career I want to take up. And I realized I'd love to do research in addition to practicing medicine. It's a dream come true. If research life is a sterile life, then that is okay. I still want a strong purpose in my life, and if that's what needs to happen, then so be it. I'm willing to make that sacrifice of constantly being worked for a 100 hours a week, if it means I am making a difference.

So anyways, of course I would accept any MD acceptance to any school in the US or Canada. But if I could choose, I would choose to do an MD/PhD at an American school. If I can do that, I would be over the moon. I would be over the moon for an MD, but the MD/PhD is my new goal. It is my new passion. I'm not holding my breath for this obviously. Still my chances are best at UBC, and I'm not convinced an MD/PhD is even worth it in Canada. So if I only get into UBC or another Canadian school, then I will likely simply do an MD. Which is fine with me too. It's still an excellent option. So I just gotta get there.

I'm going to be done all of my classes for a bachelor of science in biology very soon. I'm going to be done all the courses in either November or December, but likely December. This is all very close now!


I haven't even really tried to calculate a tentative GPA for when December rolls around. But I'll be an okay place. Not spectactular, but getting there.

So the next big question is what do I do next January?
My new long term tentative plan is to do a second degree in biochemistry or another field, then do a premed post-bacc in the United States. I'm willing to do 2 or 3 post-bacc's if I am still not holding an acceptance in a few years time. The reason it is not insane is because one post bacc would be an undergrad post-bacc and the second would be a master's degree, and then the last final option to try to get in would be an SMP. It's a long time from now. But I'm trying to do everything I can to make sure this doesn't slip away. I also cannot afford to get any more B's! But luckily for me, I think this part is not super complicated for me. It is quite difficult. But with the right work ethic and efficiency and critical decision making, I think I can get the proper grades I need. I always have been able to when I stayed on the right path. I've just been distracted or lost focus and got disengaged in the past. You cannot believe how much I wish I had my current self as an advisor to my younger self. So anyways with this new plan of:

second-degree ------> undergrad premed post-bacc --------> graduate premed post-bacc --------> SMP

in that specific order. That will give me my best chance to ensure that I will never not be accepted to a Canadian/US MD school. Doing anything else other than this just seems like too much risk for me. I've been reading more about the US system, and they have such staunch and rigid views on certain things. That fact, given with my academic history, means that I need to plan and prepare to ensure success. Could I whip together an application to UBC MD this summer? Yes of course. But would it be my absolute best application I have? Do I also have the proper skills currently to score extremely high on the USMLE? These are the questions I'm asking myself. I can't just be all willy nilly here and just go with the flow. I don't think that's the right thing to do for me. What if I don't score extremely well on the USMLE? Then I can't do the residency I want? Forget that. My world view is that I am in total control of everything I do, in terms of my career. There is always a way. I think improvement in performance is totally achievable. Sure I can't get a high score on the USMLE right now, but I think in some years I will be able to. But had I never failed and got into med school at 22, then I'd be writing the USMLE right about now. There's no way I'd be in a position to score so high on that test right now. I understand knowledge is like distance, but there's also something to be said about the maturation process. I simply flat out think that even if I was just hypothetically finishing up the middle of med school right now and writing the USMLEs, there's no way I'd ace them to get into a neurosurgical residency. I just don't think I would've been there mentally. I can't speak to the exam, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's hard, hah. So isn't it kind of funny then, that maybe things worked out for the better by me failing? I think had I not failed in university, I would've failed in med school. I just didn't have the fundamentals in my early twenties. But now, I really don't think I've ever been smarter than I am right now. So maybe everything worked out in the best way possible. I'd rather be a neurosurgeon than anything else, so why not just go for that? I'm not a fan of broken dreams....I'm not going to let that happen.

Wow that was quite the long post. I need to post more, so that I have less to say! Haha. Will post again very soon. Goodnight and take care and love you all.

JCI

Just checking in...it has snowed so much here (west coast of Canada)! I've been avoiding posting on the blog. Mostly because I've been trying to get my average up to 80% for UBC by June. Will post more Saturday or Sunday night. Talk soon and take care!

Brushing up on Math And Turning Resiliency Into Results

So I've been working on math, haven't yet finished that first assignment, but getting there. I have found that I am a bit deficient in some of the precalc knowledge that I think will be quite handy come exam time. So instead of finishing Up the first chapter, I'm going through a couple of the appendices in the back of the textbook to brush up on old knowledge. This is what has set me back a little. The appendices have dozens of questions at the end of each section as well, so I'm of course going to do those too. Hopefully this will be a good base. I'll supplement with Khan Academy at some point too.

It's strange to think it's been it's been over 8 years since I successfully completed a math course. I've registered a couple times, but never finished the courses. I also failed it in first semester of first year way back when, along with the other courses. I'm thankful for my life and happy now, but sometimes I wonder what could have been. Where would I be right now if things had been different?

I know thinking like this doesn't get me anywhere. It's just things are a lot more difficult in my basic science courses. If I can pass math and chemistry next month, it'll be my first completed science courses since the fall of 2011 (if you go by the USA definition of BCMP). These online science classes are very solitary. Just given the last decade of my life, it made me wonder if I should leave all this medicine stuff behind. It makes me sad just thinking about leaving. But as I look around, I'm realizing and thinking to myself, Hey, I've been here before...

-I had troubles excelling in my grade school courses. What did I do? I put more honest time and effort in and I performed quite well, for how new the whole studying lifestyle was to me. Along with this I became so close with my friends who had similar goals. I would describe my high school career as incredible.

-I had troubles with university. What did I do? After a certain amount of attempts, I said enough is enough and took a 1 year break. I returned to school in one calendar year and I I knew this was my last shot to keep the dream alive. I registered in 3 humanities courses and got the best grades I ever received. Also around this time I met a girl I loved and even though we aren't together anymore I have no regrets.

So many other things have happened in my life where I thought I was down and out but I just keep coming back. I was actually on my deathbed once. Maybe I'll post about it one day but no guarantees. This along with other less major setbacks in my life have shaped who I am. I just have this chip on my shoulder and a never say die attitude. My life or death experience was actually incredible. If I can fight my way through death and come back alive, all this other stuff is pretty enjoyable. My life or death experience is actually what convinced me and sealed the deal that I should try to go to medical school.

I know that I will persevere and do everything to give myself a shot at MD schools. I have the time and motivation. I just think some doubts arise in the environment of a premed. For example basically all of my good friends have considered the idea of pursuing medical school, but not one of them still is. I think if things are getting difficult, sometimes you just need a reminder of why you wanted that thing in the first place. You probably weren't wrong the first time...

Anyways, things were feeling tough but I feel a lot better after writing this. I think a question I could ask myself is, am I really trying my best right now?. If the answer is no, then the action is simple, try harder. Try the absolute hardest you could ever try at something. I mean we only have so many days on this earth. This is an idea that has resonated with me from a beautiful poem. I will share the poem soon on here soon. It's lovely because it reminds me why things in life are important.

Definitely going to get back at those math problems. Talk Soon!

Cyclohexane - A Strain-Free Ring

Right now I'm just about to read about why cyclohexane is a strain free ring. It's interesting because cyclopropane and cyclobutane exhibit lots of strain, and cyclopentane, less so. This is where I'm at in my organic chem course. I've been doing pretty well. Quite well actually. Over the holidays I did not do any work on Orgnaic chem, but since January 2nd I've put a lot of work into that course. The period between Xmas eve and New Years was time spent with my friends and family. It actually seems like so long ago because my days have been so long since then. Luckily the tasks for the business have been minimal this month as well, so I haven't lost any time to that of late. But in December I was very busy with the business.

But anyways doing this organic chem course has been an absolute grind. Long days. But it actually feels so good. I started this course a long time ago, but haven't worked on it much. But the amount of work I've done in the last week feels so good. Organic chem is the type of course that you can just get immersed in. Or I can at least. I've realized that I love that feeling of sitting down at your desk, starting to study when the sun is rising, continue onwards for hours, until the sun has gone down and still studying, learning, figuring things out and getting that "clicking" feeling each step of the way, until I t's night time. It is crazy how much you can learn in one day if you just put your mind to it and give it a good, focused, honest, sincere effort. I can't help but think what my marks would be like if I did this for every class. Speaking of which, I've realized I love the hard sciences. I just love them. I can't wait to do physics again. Physics and math were my favourite courses in high school. I was actually strongly considering doing a math degree in grade 12. Anyways it's safe to say I'm rejuvenated mentally. I'm still tired, but I'm going to be pushing through. There's still 3 weeks left in January and I'm going to see what I can do. By that I mean how fast can I go and what kind of marks can I get. I've got math, organic chem, and bio on my plate right now. Math and organic are quite time intensive, so I'm thankful for the bio "break" as well. Although I'm not sure how much of a break bio is haha. Less taxing maybe, but still time intensive now that I think about it.

Anyways I'm going to post a more specific update once I get more done. I'm about 45% of the way through my organic chem class (had to relearn parts I didn't remember from 7 months ago, and brush up on all others), and just starting the first bit of my bio and math classes. Depending on my mood I'm going to either finish a math assignment or a bio assignment, hopefully by Friday night. Although I'm aiming for Friday morning. I'm taking a little break from organic chem right now but I'll jump back into it soon. Talk soon!

Good Minus

My final mark in my English course was an A-. I was really disappointed with this. If I had just done better on my final, I would've got an A for sure. I guess the name of the game for me is consistency. If I can just follow through this semester in January, I can definitely improve my application to med schools.

But, considering I was always really bad at English, this is definitely an improvement. I'm pretty certain I got like a 73 in high school English. And I was not a slacker in high school.

The amount of time that this whole med school timeline has been taking had started to take a toll on my optimism. But there is a new game changer in the works for me. For almost 4 years now I had been taking a medication for mood. The medication has always given me great fatigue, but I always just managed as best as I could. And sometimes I couldn't manage. Well now, I've come up with a plan with my doctor to go off the medication, hopefully reducing my debilitating physical fatigue and giving me more energy and maybe even feeling normal again. I won't see the reduction in fatigue until at least a month from now, and it may take longer to adjust, maybe 3-6 months. Anyways this is a huge development for me because now without fatigue, I can undoubtedly perform better. Going off the medication was my idea, and my doctor was very hesitant, but I basically told him enough is enough. It is unlikely I would've been able to complete medical training with these physical fatigue levels to begin with, before even starting. My family doctor actually told me this (and I think I posted about it, hah something about how I was going to make it work). And now reflecting back, it makes a lot of sense. This whole time I thought I just wasn't getting enough sleep or eating too much fat. And while those contribute, the difference between myself on the medication and the rest of my life that I wasn't on the medication, is tremendously stark. This is always why I was hesitant to study for the MCAT. Because I didn't know if I had the physical stamina to study 8 hours a day for 3 months straight. Now I'm feeling a lot more optimistic about the MCAT.

I'm still hoping to finish much of my organic chemistry course by New Years Eve. I told myself Christmas wouldn't get in the way, but that's easier said than done. Especially if your friends are calling you every day to make sure you're coming to the Christmas party tonight. I'm going because I think it would be fun. And not going would be a bit much. So I'm going to go tonight, and I've gotta clean the house today for Christmas. On Saturday it is unlikely I'm going to do homework because all of my closest family is in town so I think we may spend the day together then have our Christmss Eve dinner. We always have our turkey dinner on Christmas Eve. So I might start up organic chemistry again on Christmas Day, then work straight through until December 31st. I self imposed a January 1st deadline because I'm writing the final exam on something like January 12th. So that will be great to finally get this course out of the way. I need to do everything right, one step at a time. And another important thing that I was reflecting on after I got my English mark was that I need to become a dedicated student again. I need to prioritize school above the business, day-to-day things, friends, and anything else that might occupy my time on any given day. I realized I need to be a dedicated student, or else med school will never happen. Dedication is an important word for being a student. It means you will always do your required work, no matter what happens. It almost implies that a student is studying for a higher purpose rather than just putting in a check mark on a box. The latter is what's I've been doing. I've been barely getting by. It's because I've been wanting to do as little as work as possible. Granted, a huge part of it is how fatigued I am every single day. But still, I think a shift in thinking needs to happen. It means less fun in my life, but it's a trade off I'm willing to take. For now I'll focus on the next couple weeks, and dedicate myself to my studies so I can finish organic chem. I'm excited to decide which course I'm going to work on after organic chem.

Anyways MERRY CHRISTMAS 🎄 to all you incredible and wonderful people. Ill enjoy it while it lasts, because in all likelihood, 36 hours from now I will be knee-deep in figuring out my 2nd (out of 6) unit of organic chemistry. I'll start the updates once I finish some more units. Talk soon take care and Merrry Xmas.

English Final Exam Thoughts

@$%#! That final exam for English was awful. It's not that it was too hard, it's just that I didn't perform well. I was slow in the beginning of the exam because I was organizing my thoughts for the essay for a while. The reason I was slow is because I didn't get a full chance to tidy up a few things and thoughts for my ideas about essay topics this morning. I went to bed late last night and accidentally set my alarm for 7pm instead of 7am. I use my phone for reminders in the daytime so that's why I had it on PM from yesterday. And I was just tired when I set it and didn't check if it was AM or PM. Usually it wouldn't be an issue because I wake up reasonably within time naturally anyways, but if you're going to bed really late because you're cramming then this exact situation could be detrimental if you don't wake up naturally at the right time (which personally usually happens to me without an alarm). It could prove to be determintal for you just as it did for me in this situation. Anyways I was rushing the last minute prep this morning, and the prep took longer than I thought. Showed up late to the exam, had less time, was still doing prep in the beginning of the exam (was organizing my thesis in my head to make sure it made full sense), took a long time to write the exam because I'm not a person who ever finishes early. I'm always the last person in the room during the exam. Always. Anyways this pefrect storm no doubt lead to a reduced mark on my essay. I wouldn't be surprised if I got 60% on the final. Moral of the story always check to make sure your alarm is set for AM, as well as well as the right time.

Luckily I did well enough in the latter half of the course, up to the exam, to provide a good buffer. I did manage to finish up my last assignment and I received 90% on it (worth 5% of final mark). So in total I'm looking okay. Basically the final exam didn't make the course grade useless. I can't make a prediction because I have no idea what mark I'm gonna receive on my final. Hopefully it's not an awful B+ but we will see.

I need to cheer myself up. I should submit an organic chem assignment and get 95 on it to make me feel better. Yeah that's what I'll do. On Sunday it'll be done. Done deal.

Happy Friday though! Hope people have some Christmas fun. I'll be studying everyday this Christmas, but that's irrelevant. My point is I want to live through you guys, haha so have some fun for me. Going out, movies, family, hobbies, volunteering, reading or whatever. Just enjoy yourselves because Christmas is a great time of year. People noticeably act different (nicer) so we all might as well make the most of the December joy. Don't worry I'll post plenty before Christmas too. Talk soon!

Home Stretch of English 101

So I got my mark back for my English term paper. I got 85% on it. It's solid but I was actually very disappointed because I thought I could've received a higher mark on it.

Anyways I'm going to see if I can get some feedback on the paper - because, I thought I worked it pretty well. I actually did not think my mark was going to be as low as 85%. So I need to find out what I did wrong. This feedback should help me a bit before the final. Yup the final exam is on Friday. I'm still working on my last essay worth 5% though. And the final is worth 25%, (which was the same as the term paper). I'll be done the essay tomorrow, and then after that it's all finals prep for English, aside from a few errands I have to run in town Wednesday and Thursday.

The math for what my final mark could be for English isn't looking good. I'm not sure what mark I'll get yet. But an A+ might still be possible. Since this final isn't worth a high amount (relative to the usual 50% final exam weighting) I think that's a half decent sign this late in the game.

For courses going forward, I know I'm on the right track. Organic chem is coming along too, and I can't wait to be done English so I can put all effort into orgo. I'm going to be done orgo by Dec 31st, minus the final exam. That's the goal I've set for myself and I think I can do it.

Anyways! I might post again before my final. I'm so glad I have this blog in times like this. It's therapeutic writing on here, but what I like is that people come read my blog posts. That's what makes it for me. I'm going to brush my teeth and floss then I'm off to bed. I'm going to try to wake up early tomorrow to finish that essay. Take care and talk soon!

Restless Energy

I submitted my term paper on Friday night and I ended up taking much more time to tinker with it than I initially thought I would need. Anyways it's in now so I'm just waiting for it to be marked and for my grade to be posted online! Nonetheless I have to prepare for my English final exam on December 16th too. But before that, I have one last essay to write but it's only worth 5%. I could've finished that today but I was doing some things for the business in the day time.

I'm just sort of starting to work my way back into my organic chemistry class (it has an end date in mid January), but I'm dreading getting my fet weet in that class because it has been so long since I worked on it. I'll basically have to re-teach myself the entire first 1/3 of the course that I already learned months ago. But it is my fault for not working on it before. I can't blame anything or anything else to try to make excuses.

My head is really in the game though. I've been doing general and diverse reading to prepare myself for CARS. I do feel I'm quite good at analyzing arguments and basically figuring out not only knowing "what people are trying to say", but also getting to the real heart of the issues too. But I'm still humbled by how much I'm learning too. Even when my confidence goes up, the uncertainty goes up a little too because then I realize there are all these things that I didn't know or didn't consider on a variety of topics. Or it could just be how much detail is possible in a variety of disciplines. But I find it fascinating that this stuff isn't boring me, it is actually very interesting. It might be because I have tremendous respect for passionate people, and for that much thought to go into a topic or an issue, or for it to be examined in that great of detail, then I just plain have respect for these people who are working on their craft, and doing work on what they care about.

Lately I've found myself to be much more productive in the evenings into the night. This was the case for the latter part of my English class. Last night I also finished a discussion that I thought I did a pretty good analysis on, and once again that took a lot longer than I thought it was going to take!
Anyways the lectures for the English class are over, but now that the class is nearing an end, I wish I could take more classes like this. I never thought I'd say this but I actually enjoyed an English class. The caveat is that it was not based on literature though, so I did have some optimism when I registered that I just maybe might actually enjoy it. I'll go into a bit more detail later about what this English course was about and what I learned, just because I actually enjoyed it quite a bit.

I started this post around quarter to 11pm-Pacific time. I haven't been exercising nearly as much as I wanted to in the last few weeks, but I'm still at a decent weight. Nonetheless, now I have this restless energy that is telling me I should go hit the treadmill at the gym. And literally as I just wrote this post I realized it started snowing around 8pm, and I just looked outside and saw snow on the ground. Stupidly, I never put winter tires on my car. But I mean c'mon I think it snowed for 2 hours last year. Anyways, I'm too restless so I'm gonna go hit the treadmill for an hour anyways. Hopefully I won't crash on those snowy roads, but I think I'll be OK. Talk soon!

Motivation

So earlier this year I was having trouble with staying motivated. It sounds immature but I was content with making a bit of money and using it to do fun stuff with my friends, like small trips and stuff like that. I use the word immature given what my goals are, and I know doing those things won't help me achieve my goals. I really just wasn't motivated to change anything, because things felt pretty good. And add in the fact that once I do get accepted I will be tremendously busy throughout my training, so I was actually dreading towards starting my training (because I could've applied this past summer). So a part of me didn't even want to get accepted this year. I imagine it will be quite difficult in med school, and residency even more so. So I know that I was definitely thinking, do I even want to do all of this right now? I guess you could say I wanted to achieve what I wanted to achieve, but I didn't want to start it because really that's when the real hard work starts. It was quite demanding to work for 50-60 hours a week in parts of my undergrad, and I wasn't looking forward to starting that again to finish my undergrad, and then doing even more hours in med school. And it goes without saying that I was aiming for perfect grades, which is quite daunting to me mentally, because of my past failures.

But now, I can't pinpoint what has changed lately but I'm feeling so reinvigorated. So much so that I can do work for 10 hours straight and not even think of anything else except the task at hand. Seriously, aside from going to the bathroom once or twice, I can literally work on stuff for at least 6-8 hours without a break. It hasn't been science studying for exams though, it's all been working on tasks and assignments. But still last week was so productive for me.

I'll keep it up throughout December to meet my deadlines. I'll post more on my progress soon. Talk soon and take care.

English Improvment

Not submitting a long post right now, but I'm happy to say I got 95% on one of my English assignments. The assignment was worth a decent 10% of the final mark.

I'm basically finished the term paper and it's worth 25% of my final mark but I haven't handed it in yet. My prof extended the deadline for the class so I'm going to make some adjustments and edit it tonight. There's also this really wonderful librarian at the school I met the other week, and she said she'd be willing to look over my work. So tomorrow I'm going to take the assignment to her and hopefully she can look it over.

Aside from the term paper I also have one last essay to hand in as well which is worth 5% and one more discussion worth around 2%. Then it's the final exam in a couple weeks. I've started calculus and plants (that's the bio course), and once I can sit down and put in more time to those after I'm done my English work, then I think both those courses will go really fast. For calculus I just need to work on my algebra and functions but I already know most of the calculus itself. I just need to improve my skill is all, the knowledge is there. And the plant science course seems super interesting as well. Half of the course is on plant science basics and bioactive chemical aspects of plants. I'm guessing medicinal aspects will be in the latter. I love learning about medical knowledge, and honestly I really truly believe any knowledge is good knowledge. Some people don't seem to realize how diverse knowledge can be useful in their careers. Anyways I'll post updates as I get them. Talk soon and take care.

Upping the Course Load

So I registered for 3 more courses this week. One of the courses starts in January though and runs until April. The other two are self paced and my books arrived today!

So on the immediate schedule is English, organic chem I, calculus and a bio course. I'm almost done English except for the final exam. I have some prior calculus knowledge so I'm hoping that will benefit me in calc. The bio course I'm looking forward to, and I think it's going to be a challenge in completing organic chem at a high level.

But now I'm glad I'm finally in a proper course load. Orgo I started before September, so I need to finish 3 other courses before next term so I can be eligible for Queens and UofC. Also on a subjective level, the more I'm in a full time load then the more favourable it will be for my med school applications.

I think English, bio, and one of either calc or orgo will all be done by Christmas for sure.

But another thing I have on my plate is doing CARS practice. My CARS tutor that I mentioned a few months ago is meeting with me over the holidays to do some CARS tutoring (Yes!!). I'm really looking forward to this so that I can fine tune my CARS strategy and improve some of my analytical reasoning skills.

It's a busy winter but it's honestly so awesome. I can't wait to see my final marks on my transcript come Christmas time. Happy Friday and Talk soon and take care!

English Midterm Mark

Remember my English midterm I was talking about a couple weeks ago? Well I got my mark back and I was pleasantly surprised that I got 80% on it. I was trying not to get my hopes up because I really wasn't sure how I did. Our midterm was an essay on a piece we read in class.

The weird thing is, my professor emailed a marking sheet with her criteria on it, and then at the bottom it says my mark which reads: "Grade: B+ 76%, 12/15" . The weight of our midterm was worth 15% so 12/15 is the raw score or weighting achieved for this evaluation. The thing is, 12/15 is 80% not 76%. So I guess there could be a small possibility that I got a weight of 11.4% but I don't think that's the case.

What I think is going on here is that the grade of a B+ vs an A- can be open to interpretation for an English professor, so maybe I was on the cusp of an A-, but because of the mistakes I made, she was forced to not give an "A-" grade but a "B+" instead. But I'm thinking despite my mistakes, the quality and effectiveness of the argument and piece of writing on the whole was so good that she didn't want to deduct too many marks from it. So the result is a B+ piece of writing by definition because of my mistakes, but the the high level of cohesiveness, unity and style meant I should be deserving an A- raw score. I know that English professors can be very principled when it comes to handing out grades in the "A" range for essays. I know that it isn't really a checklist of right and wrong, but more of a holistic evaluation of how "good" the writing is. I've always got this sense when speaking to English instructors about how to get an A (which I did with this particular professor as well). It is notorious that at UBC very very few people get high "A" marks in first year English. And I'm not at UBC for this English course, but the standards feel the exact same.

Anyways, in this example the 12/15 is very clearly the percentage of weighting that I achieved, so I'll go ahead and go with that when calculating my final mark. So far my marks are looking pretty good in this English class, which is making me look forward to writing the final exam in December and getting a final mark. But this week I've got a lot to do. I've got 2 assignments and one quiz to do by Monday morning, so another 16% of the course will be complete by Monday morning, about the same weighting as my midterm. Hopefully I can get much higher than 80% on these new tasks though. I always do better at the end of courses than the beginning too. Anyways talk soon and take care.

Premed Pre-reqs and Financial Boost

So I wrote an English midterm this week. Felt good to get it out of the way. But still not sure how I did. Luckily, the weighting is only 15% so it doesn't make or break my final English mark, per say. After the midterm is marked I believe I will have grades for about 40%-ish for the course.

I'm not doing bad in the course overall, so right now I'm looking forward to improving my writing over the next 7ish weeks, and hopefully getting my mark back before Christmas.

I spent a lot of time two weeks ago trying to decide which courses to complete after I'm done with my current courses of English, Bio II, and Orgo I. I'm thinking I'll continue with the basic science pre-reqs. Despite their difficulty, those courses will benefit me the most and help me prepare for the MCAT in 2017. I think around February 1st, I will decide which date I'm going to write my MCAT on. I need to finish the pre-requisites also because then I can register for biochem as well, and that course will be preparation for the MCAT too. I'd like to have all of bio I and II, chem I and II, orgo II and II all completed before I start biochemistry I. Which means I need to complete about 3.5 more courses. I'm also going to do calculus I and II and physics I and II at some point too. I'll get a better idea of when I'll be done lower level sciences after I finish Orgo I.

Also, my mom received a significant asset from a family member this week. I can't get into the details too much at this point but I can say that financially, we got a major boost with this news. So I have to decide what we're going to do with the money. But we did decide that we're going to invest the vast majority of the funds, so we just have to figure out what to invest in. But if I get my way, it will be in index funds. I'll also write a post about compounding at some point too by the way.

We're currently afloat just fine right now so we would rather put the money away and have it work for us instead of increasing our lifestyle at this point. Pretty interesting developments though. Talk soon and take care.