The next big thing that stands in my way between me and medical school is this: Organic Chemistry.
This past week I registered for Organic Chemistry I through TRU OL. It is a print based course so my course materials will arrive to my house sometime this upcoming week I'm guessing.
Ever since I had the idea of registering for this course, I've really start to feel the gravity of the situation, both past, current and future. I start to ask myself questions like am I really cut out for medical school? Can I handle the rigors of medical school and memorizing that much information and being so good at clinical skills that I can obtain the references in clerkship to get a competitive surgical specialty at a top program in the continent or even in the country. Then it flows down and I start to think to ask myself if I am good enough to do what is necessary to even get to that point - such as completing organic chemistry, completing the MCAT, completing other difficult courses for my degree like calculus. I haven't had these doubts since I was really young - not since I was about 19 years old - 5 years ago.
But my persistent desire to become a top surgeon over-rides any speedbumps or larger obstacles that may stand in my way. I also have this inner belief in myself. I have a belief that I can achieve great things. I have such supreme confidence when I am 'on point' and firing on all cylinders. The confidence just snowballs when things go well. I'm not at that point right now, but I know I NEED to get to that while I'm still young. It is part of my persona that I be extremely successful. And the younger the better.
This all might sound a bit egotistical, but honestly I can't be modest all the time. The reason is my over-riding desire for my future as a surgeon. I am very down to earth. I come from a very modest background with a lot of disadvantages in my upbringing. But it is the amount of displacement that I have traveled from that point to now which gives me my confidence. I know I can ace organic chemistry and I know I can get my supreme confidence back and get into medical school and do extremely well in medical school and become a top student. I will continue that in my career throughout my training and into my practice and hopefully get involved with research to cure diseases. I am goal driven. I want to achieve all of my medical goals because I am in love with medicine. The power to help people heal and fix their issues is what gets me drunk and high in life. Day 1 of Organic Chem prep starts tomorrow and I am promising myself I will give it all I've got so I can look back and feel good about my mark in the class.
