Hey everyone. Sorry about the posting infrequency! Just totally forgot to post and didn't realize it had been so long. Maybe I didn't realize because of how old I'm getting now. Haha this is something I think about every so often, is that I'm 25 and still not in med school and likely won't get an acceptance in the immediate term. It honestly just feels like 3 months ago I was 23. It's really too bad that it has been so long since I hammered out a good full semester, I do feel like I dropped the ball there. But I know I can't dwell on it too long and let it ruin me. If I just continue with my coursework in the proper sequence, at a full time rate, then I know I will at least be giving myself a good solid chance (a college try if you will). But anyways it's been so long I haven't posted about the new plans.
Before I get into the plan, I should update where I'm at. I'm hoping to have an 80% average quite soon. Not sure if it will be June, but it's looking good for shortly after that. But the big new development and realization I've come to is.....I want to be a doctor in the United States. I would honestly rather live the rest of my life in the US. If I wasn't trying to get into medicine, I would be moving there right now. I have just absolutely come to love the US. I'm actually a little obsessed. I'll write more about that later. But anyways, in order to make it work in the US, I need to try to get over there sooner rather than later. Which leads me in a new direction more or less. I still want to be a doctor. But I think it's more important that I try to be a physician-scientist, specifically a surgeon-scientist in the US. I would love to be one of the top docs at a major US medical center (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_centers_in_the_United_States). I've realized I think it is just the right thing to do. I mean if I was a surgeon, and my patients knew I was actively doing scientific research in the lab and running a large and extensive basic science lab to figure out the most fundamental aspect of the diseases of which they are afflicted, I think they would really appreciate that I'm trying to do everything I can to help them. I don't need personal time. I don't need a family or a frequent social life. Don't get me wrong I'll take every chance I can get to have fun and balance myself. But I think there's just so many more bigger things out there. I've come to realize the importance of research. I had never ruled out research before. In fact I was very interested in it. But I assumed if I had an MD it wouldn't matter if I didn't have a PhD. And that may be true. But I don't think it makes much sense. I think I will make myself the most desirable candidate to try to get the top jobs in the country (US) and more or less the top medical jobs in the world I guess you could say? I mean what would be better than being a top doc at a top institution? I'd be seeing patients and operating in the OR and then I'd be doing lab work as well. I want to be a doctor who does basic science research. I want to ensure that I am doing my part to advance the field as best as I can. So why not just do a PhD then? Well that is a very good question in theory. But for me, I can't let go of being a doctor. I love the social aspect of medicine, as well as the challenge it provides to anyone who's practicing it. I also love how it feels like a sport; ie. the team aspect of medicine, where everyone on the team is skilled and provides value and we are all in this together to help a sick patient, or a dying patient. I think that would allow me to be so fulfilled. If there are any residents reading this, I realize it is probably not as dramatic as I'm making it sound, and I realize there are bad things about the job, but I mean if you're going to be sour and crusty during your residency, I would say you should probably still look at the facts I just presented. And if your negative facts are more important than my positive facts, then I don't know what else to say. If you didn't know what you signed up for maybe you should've done some more research? I hate to be like this, but I think all these crusty residents telling people to not go into medicine is a really horrible thing. Why discourage people from entering the field? Have any of you actually worked a real life job for more than a few years? I don't know how you can be upset. If you are upset with being a resident, then I'd say you were never cut out for it in the first place. And despite not being cut out from it, I'm not sure why you're not actively trying to better yourself to do a better job. I spoke with a prominent Canadian surgeon in an email, and he just loves his job. I've heard him speak on the news and on TV shows, and his confidence is off the charts and he just oozes that persona. I don't know how to put my finger on it. It has nothing to do with being a TV doc, he's an older guy and I can tell he's not into the glitz and glam. But he just has that more so of a reserved confidence. He is reserved, but he is strong and fierce against everything that comes against him. His training profile is ridiculous. I think he has like 8 years of surgery and then maybe like 4 fellowships? I'm not sure how many years in total, I actually lost track when I read his bio. He is really a magnificent person. This is what medicine is supposed to be like. And you know what, all of these disenfranchised residents might put on a good face and do their job the best way, and maybe they come home and hate themselves. But if that does happen to me, I would still rather figure that out on my own. I absolutely need to try it, in case that I'm not like them and that I actually love my job. I'm not sure what a chief resident is or how many of them there are at a given hospital, but I know I want to be one. I would actually relish working at a hospital all night! I really truly think I would love that. How exciting is that? I love the hospital it is one of my favorite places in the world. I don't know what made me like this, maybe it's cause I grew up poor? But I just don't see things the same way all these other negative people do. I see being a clinician scientist as something that is larger than myself, too. I could not think of a better way to spend a life. There are the few rare pro athletes in the United States, who after finishing their professional careers, they go into medical school and do their medical training. It's obviously not super frequent for many reasons, but I think this still speaks volumes for many reasons. For some people, you want to live the most worthwhile life you can. Do the right things. Live to your fullest potential. Do everything you can to excel at something that you can excel at. This is something that is fundamental to me. It has been in the back of my mind since I was 12 years old, and sometimes at the front of my mind, too. I heard someone say that, everyone has a passion in life, something that makes them tick, keeps them going, but for most people that something is family. I thankfully do have a loving family of me and my brother and my mom. But I have no interest in raising kids. I'd love to have a partner I truly vibe with, but for me, my career is what makes me tick. I suppose there are other great things out there besides medicine. Like for example I think some of the top philanthropic donors are doing incredible things. For example Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg are heroes with what they're doing with their foundations. It's just you can help so many people when you give away billions of dollars. So I mean I guess there are other ways to make a difference out there too. But medicine is still a career I want to take up. And I realized I'd love to do research in addition to practicing medicine. It's a dream come true. If research life is a sterile life, then that is okay. I still want a strong purpose in my life, and if that's what needs to happen, then so be it. I'm willing to make that sacrifice of constantly being worked for a 100 hours a week, if it means I am making a difference.
So anyways, of course I would accept any MD acceptance to any school in the US or Canada. But if I could choose, I would choose to do an MD/PhD at an American school. If I can do that, I would be over the moon. I would be over the moon for an MD, but the MD/PhD is my new goal. It is my new passion. I'm not holding my breath for this obviously. Still my chances are best at UBC, and I'm not convinced an MD/PhD is even worth it in Canada. So if I only get into UBC or another Canadian school, then I will likely simply do an MD. Which is fine with me too. It's still an excellent option. So I just gotta get there.
I'm going to be done all of my classes for a bachelor of science in biology very soon. I'm going to be done all the courses in either November or December, but likely December. This is all very close now!
I haven't even really tried to calculate a tentative GPA for when December rolls around. But I'll be an okay place. Not spectactular, but getting there.
So the next big question is what do I do next January?
My new long term tentative plan is to do a second degree in biochemistry or another field, then do a premed post-bacc in the United States. I'm willing to do 2 or 3 post-bacc's if I am still not holding an acceptance in a few years time. The reason it is not insane is because one post bacc would be an undergrad post-bacc and the second would be a master's degree, and then the last final option to try to get in would be an SMP. It's a long time from now. But I'm trying to do everything I can to make sure this doesn't slip away. I also cannot afford to get any more B's! But luckily for me, I think this part is not super complicated for me. It is quite difficult. But with the right work ethic and efficiency and critical decision making, I think I can get the proper grades I need. I always have been able to when I stayed on the right path. I've just been distracted or lost focus and got disengaged in the past. You cannot believe how much I wish I had my current self as an advisor to my younger self. So anyways with this new plan of:
second-degree ------> undergrad premed post-bacc --------> graduate premed post-bacc --------> SMP
in that specific order. That will give me my best chance to ensure that I will never not be accepted to a Canadian/US MD school. Doing anything else other than this just seems like too much risk for me. I've been reading more about the US system, and they have such staunch and rigid views on certain things. That fact, given with my academic history, means that I need to plan and prepare to ensure success. Could I whip together an application to UBC MD this summer? Yes of course. But would it be my absolute best application I have? Do I also have the proper skills currently to score extremely high on the USMLE? These are the questions I'm asking myself. I can't just be all willy nilly here and just go with the flow. I don't think that's the right thing to do for me. What if I don't score extremely well on the USMLE? Then I can't do the residency I want? Forget that. My world view is that I am in total control of everything I do, in terms of my career. There is always a way. I think improvement in performance is totally achievable. Sure I can't get a high score on the USMLE right now, but I think in some years I will be able to. But had I never failed and got into med school at 22, then I'd be writing the USMLE right about now. There's no way I'd be in a position to score so high on that test right now. I understand knowledge is like distance, but there's also something to be said about the maturation process. I simply flat out think that even if I was just hypothetically finishing up the middle of med school right now and writing the USMLEs, there's no way I'd ace them to get into a neurosurgical residency. I just don't think I would've been there mentally. I can't speak to the exam, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's hard, hah. So isn't it kind of funny then, that maybe things worked out for the better by me failing? I think had I not failed in university, I would've failed in med school. I just didn't have the fundamentals in my early twenties. But now, I really don't think I've ever been smarter than I am right now. So maybe everything worked out in the best way possible. I'd rather be a neurosurgeon than anything else, so why not just go for that? I'm not a fan of broken dreams....I'm not going to let that happen.
Wow that was quite the long post. I need to post more, so that I have less to say! Haha. Will post again very soon. Goodnight and take care and love you all.
