Certainty

So there was an uncertainty I had in regards to my UBC online courses from this fall. Because I got my exams deferred, I did not know when I would be writing them. I did not even know if I would be able to write them by June 1st in order to have them included in my GPA for UBC in 2016. Well it turns out that the latest I will be writing them is in April. They say that I'm guaranteed to write the final in April, but if the professor is open to the student writing it earlier, then they are allowed to do that, but they do not have to provide that option. So I've spoken with one of my professors and he said I can simply write it in his office at UBC whenever I please. This is great news because the more flexible my professors are, the better. For my other two UBC classes I'm not quite sure when I will be writing the exams.

I also got a mark back for a sizable paper I wrote in my health psychology class and I got a respectable 80% on it. This means that I will get a minimum of 85% in the course if I ace the final. The final is totally multiple choice and very simply based on the textbook. If I can memorize the details of the text, then I should get quite a high mark. I actually have a new method for developing textbook summary notes that my biopsych professor showed me. The method is called the 'Cornell Method'. My old biosych prof has very high praise for this method, and I'll be testing it out for some, and possibly all of my classes because he speaks so highly of it and I trust him so much. If I find that this method substantially improves my studying efficiency, then I will post more about this method, but for anyone interested there are a lot of explanations if you google it. I reached out to my professor for advice because we are somewhat close because we've both had mental health problems and he is a very helping person in general so I always feel that I can ask him for some help. Not to mention he is an extremely accomplished and intelligent individual, both academically and non-academically.

Now that I have a new method for studying textbooks, it is making me feel a lot better about my abnormal psychology class because I was getting bogged down by the text and wasn't very efficient in general. Now I'm feeling a lot more confident that I will synthesize the information efficiently. This is so important for me now because all of my classes will be online, so the textbook and other materials will be so crucial for me to learn the material and get high marks.

I woke up quite early today and I'm really feeling like it's time to buckle down. I've had a long day today and I'm looking to continue my momentum and take it day by day. I really feel like my old self again where I had the right mindset and attitude and the right work ethic. What I mean by mindset and attitude and work ethic is that when I was finishing up high school I was so concerned with my coursework that I genuinely was interested in all of the concepts I was learning. Every time there was a new concept I felt excited to learn it and master it and apply it come test day. It was sort of like that my open-mindedness of thinking that "I can be successful in learning this material" was how the ball initially got rolling. Then my work ethic kicked in and I would do homework for hours on end, only taking breaks to eat and exercise. Then naturally the course material came to me if I had the right attitude and put in the proper work. The marks followed as well. Back then I was falling short of 95s and 100s instead of 80s and 85s like I do now. Of course everyone says university is harder than high school, and generally speaking it is for one main reason, the pace of the courses. I mean in sciences most of the curriculum for grade 11/12 courses here in BC are the same as in 1st year science. In most classes the concepts aren't hard, but it is just doing the work at a quicker pace. Anyways my TRU exams are likely going to be scheduled for January 16th and maybe January 17th. I still have to cover a lot of material but if I condense my schedule into 9-12 hour days like how I used to study for exams, then I know I will be successful. I have to keep in mind that the hardest part is studying. Taking the exam itself is just the easy part if you are well prepared. I have until January 7th to submit all of my assignments. I will have to take at least two days off for Christmas Eve and Christmas. I know that if I really had to, I could complete all of my assignments even I started on January 1st, because I've already completed some of the course. But I don't want to leave it down to that. I want to put the work in from now until December 23rd. Take a couple days off, then get back at studying on Boxing day or on December 27th. If I do really well over the next week and put in 12 hour days, then the time from December 23rd until January 1st can be a bit more relaxed, where I can visit with family more and friends. I just looked at a calendar, and because I started my TRU courses so long ago, I've forgotten a lot of the stuff I read from before. So right now, my goal is to go through a unit per day. That would allow me to have read through the entire module and readings for both courses. Then all I would need to do is complete the assignments. I'm going to complete the assignments as best I can when I go through each unit. I'm going to start with chemistry. I'm hoping I'm not too rusty at a calculation based course. Although I think most of it is fairly simple. My goal tomorrow is to put in a 12 hour day. I'm going to try to put in a few hours tonight after I eat dinner too. For some reason I feel a bit of apprehension, but once I finish going through my first unit, I think that will go away. Kind of like being nervous before a big game. But just like a big game, I can't afford to screw this up, as my 2016 application is depending on it.

Once I'm done studying tomorrow night I'll post a quick update on how things went, how I feel about doing a 12 hour day, and if I think it is sustainable or if I even want to do that. I'm hoping it's all good news but I won't know until I've done it.


I should probably just think of this as being a stepping stone to becoming a physician/surgeon/scientist. And when I think of it like that, I start to feel pretty good about what I'm doing.

Ontario GPA and Using Addition by Subtraction to Apply to UBC Med in 2016

So it turns out I misinterpreted the Ontario applicant manual for McMaster. I actually need 90 credits by May of 2017 to apply in 2016. So this gave me hope for 2016, and I calculated my GPA for Ontario schools, but sadly my GPA is not high enough to meet the cutoff to apply to McMaster. It's not even that close, as McMaster does not remove the worst year or use any other weighting formula.

The only way that I can apply to McMaster is if I get all of my failed courses removed from my record. I don't really think that can happen so unfortunately my hopes of applying to McMaster in 2016 are basically non-existent as it is impossible for me to get a 3.0 cumulative GPA by the summer of 2016 without having my failed courses removed. If my courses do get removed, then everything changes. But now I have to continue on assuming my record stays as it is.

I'm shifting my focus back to UBC. I've decided I'm going to try to reduce my courseload for the BCIT Cardiology Diploma program as much as I can. I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier. This way, I can pump out the TRU online university courses (that I need for med school) and work at them at my own pace to try to complete as many courses as I can so that I will meet the credit requirement for using the AGPA calculation. I need to speak with an advisor to see if the timeline I've created will be possible. I'm just trying to load the majority of the work onto the latter stages of the program, so that I can use the next two semesters to focus on undergraduate coursework and possibly completing the MCAT if need be. I think I've got a solid plan for completing my BCIT program, but I am going to speak with an advisor to confirm. Hopefully I won't get any bad news from her saying that I need to complete a certain number of credits in January. My plan is to take only 1.5 credits at BCIT in January, and then just adding more courses in subsequent semesters. As long as the advisor says that my program plan makes sense for me to graduate in from BCIT in 3 years, then I am absolutely good to go! If I'm only doing 1.5 credits in January at BCIT, then I know that I can meet the credit requirement for UBC medical school. It will be tough and it may come down to the wire, but things are starting to look a bit more optimistic for me applying to UBC in 2017. I am pretty certain my BCIT program plan makes sense, but I will call an advisor next week and I will post on here once she tells me that I am allowed to only take 1.5 credits in January. I don't want to get my hopes up too much but I'm pretty certain that I will be okay with BCIT. Once I have the thumbs up from BCIT, I can go about planning for my courses that I will be starting in mid January. It will be mid January because I still have to finish my two TRU courses I'm already registered in. I still have to complete some assignments for those and then I can focus on studying for the final exams. I'm going to be trying to complete my assignments over the next week so that I can take a few days off around Christmas.

Reality

I am very much a positive and optimistic person. However, since my biopsych mark came out earlier and when I was doing some projections for applying to medical school in 2016 while writing my last blog post earlier today, it didn't quite hit me yet that there is a strong chance that I won't be able to apply to UBC this year. I guess I was holding out hope that I can complete all of the necessary credits for the AGPA calculation. But that is going to be pretty much nearly impossible. I'm feeling a bit down that I probably won't get my chance this year.

All things considered things have gone pretty well since I went back to school in January of 2014. My average is hovering around 80% since returning. It is just my past grades that are holding me back from applying. But I know that things could have been better or maybe even worst. But right now I'm finding it hard to find the silver lining. I know what my goal is, but it is very very nice to have those positive re-enforcers to keep you going through the grind of school. For example, I haven't received any scholarships or awards since returning to school in 2014. Also most of my marks have been in the B+ range instead of the A range.

I need a plan. But I am not a very patient person at all. I was really hoping to apply to medical school this year. But I guess my plan is just to become consistently efficient. I've been trying to avoid burnout and I've been successful that way. I think I am pretty efficient with my time. It is just that the amount of time I put in to school work is lacking. I actually own my own online business and I routinely have errands to run for that. I also try to have a social life and have time to relax as well.

I just always feel discouraged that I'm not putting in 10 hour days for my schooling. I feel like that is what I need to be doing since I'm going to be doing that in medical school and in residency as well. But I guess the silver lining is that even if I put in 60% of that time at least 4 times a week, then I'm essentially guaranteed results because I'm currently doing less than that. I'm just trying to think of the positives right now so I can continue on with this same situation until 2017 and likely beyond if I don't get in on my first try. I'm also looking forward to getting involved with some extracurricular activities that I feel would be very beneficial towards my development in becoming a physician.

I didn't want it to come down to this, but there is still one thing that I can be optimistic about, but it is a major wildcard.

I'm currently pursuing withdrawals from some of my failed courses in the past. I've been successful in getting a few of them removed but not all. I originally had like 14 or 15 failed classes, (I can't exactly remember how many, I tried not to think about it), but I was able to get some removed to bring my total down to 11 failed courses. Now I am pursuing the removal of a few more. The basis of the retroactive withdrawals is due to medical reasons. It is quite difficult to get courses removed and it takes a very long time. Quite a few months in my experience. I'm not entirely sure when I will hear back about this, but it could be the good news I'm looking for. Any removed failed courses should help out my situation in one way or another. Although I haven't done any calculations as to what my new GPA would be if I did get some courses removed. There is also the chance that it does not even help me out that much, because the AGPA might have removed the courses from the calculation anyways. But I'm not sure which courses and from what years will be acted upon, and that is optimistic because I do not think that any more of my courses will get removed. The only reason I'm still holding up is that because it is all kind of up in the air and I was surprised when I had a few courses removed the last time that I did it. I'll post once I hear a response from the school about whether or not my courses got removed.

These are the times that I miss my ex-girlfriend. She was always my biggest supporter and she always believed that I could get in to medical school. It would be nice to talk to her again but she doesn't want to talk to me right now, and probably never again. I miss her support and being in a loving relationship with her. Losing her has really made me appreciate what I had. But, just like my hopes of applying to UBC med school for 2016 are slime to none, so are the chances of me talking to her again.

Biopsych Mark, and very little hope for 2016 applications to UBC or McMaster

So I got 77.5% on my final exam and ended up with a 76 in the course. I really thought I was going to get at least 80% in the course. I looked at my exam breakdown and I got way more questions wrong on the multiple choice than I had thought I did. Once again I did quite well on the short and long answer sections though but for some reason I didn't do too well on the multiple choice. I guess the course is done with now and there isn't anything I can do about this course. This is a big surprise though as I thought I would've got above 80% on the final, judging by how I felt after I wrote the exam. I didn't study for long enough and this might come back to bite me.

My average isn't that bad after the AGPA calculation is used to drop the lowest year, however, the biggest hurdle right now is me completing 90 credits after my worst year has been removed. I would need to complete 34 credits by June 1st 2016. This is complicated because I have been sick recently and I am not writing my 3 UBC course exams this December, but instead I am writing it sometime in the new year because I have been sick for a while. I am 100% writing my two TRU course exams in January though. So those will be out of the way which leaves me with 28 credits remaining. If I could write my 3 UBC course exams in February, that would leave me with 19 credits remaining. Then if I do 2 courses per month in March, April and May, then I can do a 1 credit course and I will have met the credit requirement. However, I've determined that this is nearly impossible given that I also have to complete a few cardiology courses for my BCIT program (see blog post 'Backup').

This is why my hopes for an application to UBC medicine in 2016 are fading. The only way I can complete the credit requirement for the AGPA to take effect is if I write my two TRU courses at the end of December and then write my 3 UBC course exams in January. This would be really pushing it though. And for one thing, I don't even know when I am allowed to write my UBC deferred exams. It could be anywhere from January to August of 2016. Obviously if it is after June 1st then I won't be able to make it in time, as that is the cutoff for courses that will be considered in the AGPA.

I haven't calculated my GPA for any other school, but McMaster and the University of Calgary were on my radar as well. McMaster however also requires 90 credits by May 2016 in order to apply, so applying there would require a similar amount of work as to UBC, although slightly less by having to complete 2 less classes. I cannot apply to University of Calgary because last I checked, they require 2 separate years of 24 credits from September-April. And I actually don't even have 1 year yet.

So now my options are dwindling for 2016. I haven't checked many other requirements for other schools, but I will be doing that soon.

Although there is still technically a chance I can apply to UBC if things line up right, I'm not banking on it. I've just started to find out about new extracurricular activities that I can do given that I am living on Vancouver Island now. Speaking of which, I'm not sure if I posted this, but I've decided not to return to UBC in January, but instead to live at home on Vancouver Island and complete my bachelor's through TRU with online classes while concurrently doing my diploma at BCIT. I feel that this is the best scenario for me to be happy. Not to mention there are some pretty cool extracurricular activities I'm looking at doing that are in or close to my community.

I knew that even if I could apply to UBC this year, it would still be a long shot given my low grades. But now I'm super optimistic on applying in 2017. I've done some rough calculations and I'm almost guaranteed to be above 80% for UBC and I will have a lot of meaningful ECs if I land all of the ones I'm looking at. I'll post more about my EC's later.

Now it feels like 2017 is a long ways a way but I still have to put in a lot of work towards my non academic activities for UBC as this is 50 percent of the pre-interview score. Also, part of me has hope that I can somehow, someway complete 34 credits by June and send in an application to UBC. If this was the case, I might be able to apply to McMaster as well if my GPA is over their 3.0 requirement. Right now I just have to take it one class at a time and one day at a time. My main goal is to write my TRU exams by the 2nd week of January, and then re-evaluate after that.

High Impact

So for my birthday my brother got me a subscription to the scientific journal Nature. He didn't know I wanted that but I told him that's what I wanted this year. I'm actually so excited to get a full subscription to Nature as a present. I think this is something I'll continue to subscribe to for the rest of my life. I find science so fascinating. Once you put the work in to understand it, it's so rewarding to be proficient in different areas of science.

I'm kind of a rookie when it comes to the scientific world, but I really think that Nature is the most influential scientific journal in the world. That is just the sense I get. 'Science' and one called 'Cell' I think are pretty up there too. I'd say it goes Nature as number 1 then Science at number 2. If I find something particularly fascinating in Nature then I think I might post a brief synopsis of the research and why it's important. Of course, this is all assuming that I'll be able to understand it lol. I'm hoping I can at least get the gist of most articles.

For my birthday I just hung out with some of my friends. It's Saturday night, technically Sunday now but my birthday is technically tomorrow on Sunday. Me and my friends are getting together tomorrow too. Me and my friends have so much fun that part of me is going to be sad once I get into med school (hopefully at UBC) that I'll have to move away and I can't really hang out with them. I know that I shouldn't feel bad because every year that I'm not a physician I am losing out on a lot of income (and of course I want to save lives but that goes without saying). And I do want to be board certified before I'm 50 at least lol. I just turned 24 so I guess I have plenty of time but I'm reaaalllllyyy hoping it doesn't take me too long to get into medicine. I'm thinking I might apply to McMaster and University of Calgary med schools too because they are both 3 years and it would be super nice to finish a year earlier. However, Vancouver is my favorite city in Canada so obviously UBC is my first choice. I have personal reasons for wanting to be in Vancouver and I might share those reasons in the future, but for now I'm not going to.

In other news, I wrote a final exam for my biopsych course that I took in the summer. I was sick for the final in the summer so I had to write a deferred exam. And I believe I said I was going to post on why I loved that class so much, so I will try to get on that soon! I'm not really sure what my mark in that class is going to be. I know it'll either be in the 70's or in the 80's, but I'm not sure how I did on the final exam. This is actually a very important class because it was a 6 credit class condensed in the summer. So obviously it has double the weighting of a regular class and will affect my admissions average for UBC by that much more. I think I would kind of freak out if I got a mark lower than 75. That would mean that my chances of applying to UBC medicine this year would be much lower. I actually haven't completed that many classes so even one or two classes can affect my average more than you would think (which is really a double edged sword). I'm hoping my mark will be posted by the end of next week, and then I can get a better idea of where I stand.

Backup

In a prior post of mine last month I mentioned that I have a new thing on my plate. Well here it is...with mixed feelings.

 So for the last few years I've been really concerned what my backup would be if I'm finished my first bachelor's degree and haven't been accepted into a Canadian medical school after 1-3 years, or potentially longer. My understanding is that a lot of jobs that just require a bachelor's degree can be hard to get, especially in BC where there are a high number of job seeking applicants that want to move to Vancouver. My worst fear would be if I was unemployed for a long time and accumulating interest and becoming late on my student loan payments. I also don't think it would be a good use of my time to work a near minimum wage job either. The main problem becomes paying for my 2nd bachelor's degree. Student loans don't cover the full cost of all of my education, in my experience. I'm already getting a little bit of family support and it's been like this for over 6 years now, and while my family said they would continue to support whatever I do, I think they are getting skeptical that I will never get in to medical school. It's this pressure that made me look at other options I can do to make a decent wage, but at the same time to pursue my dream of going to medical school. At first I thought I could switch into biomedical engineering, which would fulfill my medical school requirements and still give me more options to pursue a fantastic career in engineering. But then I found out it would take me 5 years to get my biomedical engineering degree at UBC. I thought about going to the University of Washington where it would only take me 3.25 years but tuition is significantly higher and the program is ultra competitive to get into as it is one of the best of its kind in North America. Plus I would have to move to somewhere in Washington where I would have to take community college classes for two semesters. This would be a tough sell to my family if I was going to invest everything into doing community college courses for a year in the U.S. just so that I have a tiny chance at getting into a really expensive school. My mom is alone because my dad passed away when I was young and so I didn't want to leave her alone. Plus I actually love spending time with my mom lol, as lame as that might sound to some. So unless I get a decent paying job somewhere else so that my mom can move with me, we are stuck on Vancouver Island or potentially Vancouver.

What started to make more and more sense was looking into medical technologist programs at BCIT. The reasons are that I want to work in healthcare before I get into medicine and those programs generally give their graduates a good chance at finding a job. The cardiology technology and EEG technology programs sounded the most interesting to me. It seemed like there were more jobs in EEG, but I'd have to do two years of full time studies, where I would likely be unable to do very many undergraduate courses for medical school. UBC Medicine does not use grades from diploma programs in their GPA calculation, which was a serious blow to me optimizing my time. But I looked at Cardiology Technology, and it is 3 years part time (or 2 years full-time), and it is online. That sounded great because I would love to do an online program that would give me a good job one day AND also have the flexibility for me to pursue undergraduate courses for medical school admissions. Plus I love the cardiovascular system and this career has room for advancement into invasive procedures with more schooling. So long story short, I applied for the program at BCIT and I got accepted just the other day to start the program this January.

While I don't think doing the Cardiology Technology Diploma program is going to give me any advantage in seeking medical school admissions, I do think it is important that I start paying back my debt and become self-sustaining. I could be debt free after 1 year of working as a cardiology technologist, however it would take me 3 years if I worked minimum wage. What I love about the program is two-fold; firstly, it's great that it is online which means I can live with my mom, and secondly it is really convenient that it can be done part time which means I can still do undergraduate courses at the same time. I'm going to be doing most of my undergraduate courses through TRU Open Learning. However this will be my greatest challenge to date, as I will have to do everything a normal premed does ( ECs and maintaining a high  university GPA) while also doing the BCIT program part time, which doesn't really count for anything in my application process. It frustrates me because I could be using that time for ECs like research, but instead I'm spending all of that effort to complete the Cardiology Technology program, which I don't think will help my application. The only way it'll help me is that I will be making money so that I can eventually go back to univeristy to get a second bachelor's and/or a master's. Anything that will improve my chances of getting into medicine.


I have to admit that at the beginning of me writing this post, I wasn't sure if I was going to do the Cardiology Technology program full-time in 2 years or part-time in 3 years. But I've managed to convince myself that I need to dedicate most of my time to getting into medical school. This is because of ideal and practical reasons. Ideally, I would rather be a doctor than any other career. And practically speaking, in the long run, every year that I am not a doctor, I am losing out on hundreds of thousands of dollars that I would otherwise be making as a physician. These years of income lost affect my bottom line a whole lot more than a few tens of thousands of dollars right now. But all in all my the money is a lot less important to me than the job I would be doing, which is saving people's lives. That is what I want to do for the rest of my life is save people's lives as a doctor.

Aforementioned Good News

So I was debating whether to post this now or to post it in January of 2016 or April of 2016. But it's no secret that I'm closer to applying to medical school than I have ever been before. But the good news is that I have a very strong chance of being able to meet the 75% admissions average cutoff for UBC medical school in the 2016 application cycle.

As it currently stands, for my completed courses, my average is below the 75% average, due in large part to the namesake of the blog, which are my 11 failed courses. However, UBC med school removes the lowest academic year if an applicant presents 90 or more credits after the worst year is removed at the time of application. They call this an adjusted GPA or AGPA. So because of the AGPA, I may just have a shot at applying next summer. Of course, it is also contingent on all of the courses I'm taking this semester, and any courses I might take in January. But I was messing around with some calculations, and if I get an A- (82%) average in all of my current courses, then I will be a mere 0.5% away from applying. Of course that is below the cutoff, but I think an 82% average is a low estimate for me this semester. Also add in the fact that if I take 5 courses in January, then my average will shoot up if I get all As and A+s in those courses. And of course I'll be able to apply if I exceed my own expectations this semester and get say an 85% average or higher. So basically, this semester right now and whatever courses I take in January could very well put me over the top and make me eligible to apply.

Even if I get an 82% average for all of my courses until May of 2016, I will still be able to apply. That is a very low estimate for me. But I have to be wary because one 70 can change things in a hurry. And let's not even think about one botched final exam.

The reality is setting in for me. Academically I feel like I'm capable but I need to push myself to the next level. For non-academically I feel like there is so much I still need to do. But I want to start my application next summer and get my average as high as it can be for next May. I would be honored to even apply to UBC medical school, and once you apply, you never know what could happen. Despite the uncertainty for next summer, I'm so excited and I'm so happy for my future.

What is this phenomenon called?

On Saturday night I felt a bit off and wasn't sure if I was coming down with some sort of cold or flu. Well when I woke up on Sunday, I was definitely pretty sick. It might be some sort of flu, but I'm not really sure because I don't know if I had a temperature. Luckily I didn't miss out on too much over the last few days because I had completed all of the work for my immediate deadlines in the paced courses. But this brings me to my next point...

For some reason, whenever I have period of sustained work to do, which is then followed by a relatively long period of where I have no deadlines to meet, I almost always get sick right after I've completed the period of sustained work, which then ruins the following time where I could be relaxing or doing work at a lighter pace. For example, usually after exam time in December, I may get a bit sick not long after my last final exam. It is almost like my body knows that the work period is too important to get sick for, so my brain/body pushes through that period and maintains my immunity, but then once all of the deadlines and commitments are over, it is like my systems just start to relax and I get sick. It is pretty strange. I remember it all started when I was in grade 11 or 12, and I managed to get sick after school finished for the Christmas break in December, and then right at the start of Spring Break, and even at the end of the school year in June for the summer break. There was also a time where I got sick at the start of a 4-day weekend in between there somewhere. This period of work-followed-by-sickness doesn't happen as much as it did that year, which was after the start of every single break, but it just happens once in a while now. Does anyone know what this is called? I'm pretty curious about it.

Anyways I'm starting to feel decent now (*knocks on wood*) and hopefully I will be 100% in the next 2 days. This also makes me glad I'm in online classes because I literally didn't miss a thing. Although I do have some deadlines coming up next week and I wasn't able to start the readings for those yet, so I'll be busy at the end of this week and this weekend so that I can complete those. It should be manageable though.

And there are still no marks put up yet for some assignments and quizzes I did. This actually reminds me of the last time this happened, which was my first semester back at school after a year long hiatus. That was the same semester I started this blog and I ended up with an A average. I know that the time it takes for a prof/TA to mark my stuff isn't a function of my grades, but I just got reminded of it and it made me think of how I did well that semester academically. I know I shouldn't get ahead of myself as I haven't even written the final exams yet, but I can't help but wonder if I'm going to do better this semester than I did in that good semester that I had.

Higher Marks

So now that it's mid October, I'm figuring it's now basically the mid point of the semester. I'm doing 3 paced online courses through UBC and two non paced online courses through TRU. I actually haven't received that many of my marks back yet for my UBC classes, which is odd because some of the stuff I submitted was almost a month ago! Some of the marks I got back are 95% and 80%. Pretty sizable weightings too at about 10%. And I feel as if I did good on my other things that I submitted over the past month. They are things like discussion posts and assignments. For my TRU classes I'm around the same mark at 87% and 88% respectively for chemistry and psychology. I'm estimating being done about 30-40% of my classes, so I guess it's not quite the midway point yet. It's not all good news though because I did get one 75% mark back and one 14.65/20 mark.

I'm currently figuring out what to do for next semester. I have a new thing on my plate (this new thing is not related to the big news I was talking about in a recent post) which I may or may not pursue. It is tough to balance my academics, my earning potential, my social and family life, and any extra curriculars I might do. In all likelihood, I'll pursue a combination of those in January, though I'm not sure of the logistics of the aforementioned 'new' thing that I might pursue. I'll post more about it soon, but right now, I'm off to the gym to do some anaerobic activity.

Thanksgiving Extension

So in one of my online classes I had one discussion and one quiz due on Monday. With this being Thanksgiving week I knew I had to get them done by Thursday night. I wanted to do all of my readings for the quiz so I knew it was going to take me a while to do. Well, today my professor emailed the class saying both items have been extended, with the discussion due Tuesday night and the quiz due Friday night. This was a big relief because during the past two weeks I've been pretty busy with school work as well as helping my mom. My mom decided to apply to some jobs in Vancouver so we were considering moving to Vancouver (we currently live on Vancouver Island). We have been kind of going back and forth between what we should do. My mom is very likely moving to Vancouver in the future, but we aren't exactly sure when that might be. Much of the discussion has been about financial issues, as my mom doesn't make very much money. She works as a care aide. I think part of the hesitation is that we are sort of waiting for me to get into med school. Once I get into a Canadian medical school, that would of course be an almost guarantee for a well paying job in the long term. I would also get a large line of credit that would help in the short and medium term. So basically once I am accepted, we would have a lot more autonomy on things like where we want to live and that sort of thing.

I'm getting excited about how I'm getting closer and closer to applying to UBC Medicine. I may have some very good news about my future within a month or two. I don't want to post exactly what that good news is just yet. Of course, I share a decent amount about my life on this blog, so I'm sure some of you can guess what that good news may be. Of course I'll leave it at that and leave it up to all of you to guess what that may be! Also as many of you know I'm superstitious, so I don't want to announce news that hasn't happened yet. It may or may not be good news, or it may be delayed from now until sometime next year, Now that I think about it, I probably won't be able to post good news about this secret thing until next year.

I also apologize for posting infrequently. My days have been so busy and in any down time I have I don't always feel like posting. But nonetheless, I do love this blog and love posting, and I promise I will be more active in posts for the rest of this semester.

Doctor's Concerns

Today I saw my family doctor for a minor issue, and during the appointment I told him I wanted to apply to medical school next summer and I asked him if he thought I would be able to handle the rigors of medical school. I just wanted to inquire about where he thought I was at with everything. I routinely bring him my transcripts to show him my grades every semester, and he and I are very close. He even delivered me at the local hospital when I was born. I started bringing him my transcripts right around the time I started my blog, as that is when I started to find success in university. Well, his response really disheartened me. He said that he was not concerned about the intellectual challenges, but rather the physical challenges. His main concern was me handling the lack of sleep during residency, particularly, a 36 hour shift. I don't have any negative feelings towards my family doctor because of what he said because I know he is just looking out for me and he is just on the conservative side of managing my care to make sure I don't have a psychotic episode or any other psychiatric symptoms.

I totally understand his concerns. If I had myself as a patient I would probably be equally as cautious. But what my doctor doesn't know is that I want to go into medicine so badly. If I couldn't do medicine, I honestly would lose ALL of my motivation and while I wouldn't commit suicide, I definitely would not want to be living. It sounds drastic and dramatic, but I am absolutely devoting my life to medicine. I want to eat, sleep, and breathe science and medicine. I want to help other human beings. If I couldn't do medicine, I would be so unbelievably bitter that I wouldn't want to do anything else. The main thing for me is that I want to do meaningful work. And for me, medicine is the perfect choice. And doing meaningful work is my primary motivator is to become a surgeon.

To me it seems that my fixation on becoming a surgeon is unusual. But I don't think I'm a regular person. I think I am different because of my abilities and my ambitions. I sometimes feel at odds with how the general population thinks. I really do believe I can accomplish great things, but I really want my doctor's approval. I know that he can't stop me from applying to medicine and doing a demanding residency, but I would like to develop a plan of attack in conjunction with my doctor once I get my acceptance letter. It is one more thing to worry about, but I'm willing to take some risks in order to chase my dreams.

New-to-me, underwater branch of science

So I ended up registering in 3 UBC online courses this semester. The courses consist of two oceanography courses and one health psychology course. All the courses are upper level. I'm also finishing my two TRU online courses which are abnormal psychology and the 2nd semester of 1st year chemistry.

I'm actually optimistic about the oceanography courses because I like science in general, so it will be good to branch out into new fields. And all of the other courses are nothing new to me. It's funny how a couple years ago I probably would've avoided oceanography courses because I was so focused on the applications of health science that I hated doing courses on other material. I guess I saw it as a waste of time because I won't need to know it for medicine or for the MCAT and that sort of thing. Now I am very open to learning about new topics that are outside the traditional boundaries of medicine and science. It's going to sound ridiculous, but I think part of what changed my perspective was watching the Fox show, House MD. The reason is that House had such a broad knowledge of all different fields and used every bit of information possible to come to a diagnose and save lives. At the time I was watching this, it was also around the time of the news of the new 2015 MCAT, which of course is expanded and now includes psychology and sociology, which were once not essential preparation for medical school. Both House and the AAMC's changes in the 2015 MCAT are what kind of made me open my eyes so that I can expand my horizons. And yes I am aware that House is not real, but I think the scenarios are creative and shows what could happen and then also shows what a difference can be made if someone has knowledge. I think that's what House is all about. It's one of my favorite shows despite the predictable story arc. But I think it's all about knowledge. I mean Greg House knows everything. And who's to say situations like that, or similar ones, couldn't possibly pop up?

RESP Payment and Banking

So I've been checking my online banking account every day for the past two weeks, and I am happy to say that my RESP payment was deposited today! I'm extremely happy about this because I wasn't sure if I was going to get it or not (because of my failed courses and withdrawn semesters). But everything got processed and the money is in my account now, so I suppose it's all a done deal now. And what's even better is that it's about $1100 more than I was expecting too which is awesome!

I'm just about to head to the bank in a few minutes to move the money to a different bank (because some of my other money is in a different account at a different bank). So now, I'm wondering, what should I do with this money? Since I'm living at home free of charge, I figured I could put this money in some sort of high interest savings account or GIC or a possible investment. My RESP was about $7800, and I have about $5400 from a different source, and I may be getting a monthly income of $400 per month. So I'm just posting a message out in cyberspace to anyone with a possible financial background, or maybe not a background but has the knowledge on this sort of financial stuff. If anyone has any ideas or advice on financial products or general advice they'd be willing to help out with, if you could let me know, feel free to leave a comment, or you can email me at premedpostfailure@gmail.com. Thanks everyone!

Temporary Move for the New Semester

I've decided to move back to my mom's house on Vancouver Island for the next semester. I decided to do it because I had the opportunity to take all online courses through UBC, and in effect, it would not put me behind at all in the progress of my degree. So by moving back home, I'm saving about $4000 over the course of the four months on rent alone. The reason it's so expensive is that all the real estate close to UBC is very expensive, so the rent prices reflect what is considered to be the more desirable neighborhoods. The place I was living at for the past year and a half was a cheaper place for rent, but it was quite far from UBC, so I was planning on moving ASAP. I don't really do well with the long commutes everyday. My place was about a 35 minute bus ride to UBC.

I am coming back to Vancouver in January because I am registered in some really cool classes, which are all 'in-person' classes. So I will most definitely be back in January, barring some major financial obstacles. I think this will be a good change for me as well, since I need something new and refreshing after my breakup. Don't get me wrong, I love Vancouver and my future is definitely in Vancouver, but after doing the grind of school for a year and a half straight, it's good to go home and recharge. I mean most students do go home during the summer of each year anyways, so I figured I was due to go back home for a few months. I'm also really looking forward to my time because I can spend time with my friends and my mom. My friends from the island and I have been having so much fun together in the past little while, and I just love hanging out with them.

It won't be all fun and games though, because most of my day will still consist of studying and working out. I haven't totally decided on how many online courses I will take this semester, but I am definitely taking five courses in January. Also, I'm increasing my workouts. I'm going to more than double my cardio. I'm increasing it from 40 minutes to 2 hours of cardio a day. I'll also be doing more weight training. And if the weather is good, I'll be playing lots of tennis too.

On the schedule today, I'm going to be contacting all the gyms in town to see how much a membership is. I did a bunch of errands this morning, as I just moved back to Vancouver Island yesterday. All in all, I'm very happy with my decision, and I'm wishing luck to everyone who is starting their semester next week, as I'm really looking forward to my next 4 months in my hometown. I will miss Vancouver, but I know that I will be back there soon enough.

Treatment for low mood/SAD in the winter

I feel like my mental health is very stable and that I'm very healthy now. It is more just a maintenance thing now, which is what most people do to be proactive on their health anyways. I'd say the biggest issue I have is not with bipolar mood swings or schizophrenic hallucinations/delusions (I haven't had either one of these in 3-4 years each), but instead it is a slight decline in mood in the winter, presumably a small effect due to SAD. Luckily in my biopsych class I learned about a treatment called light box therapy. Basically you buy this 'light box apparatus' (basically just a bright light), and you read under the light for about 15 minutes when you wake up every day. This has shown to be effective as well. Since I have a lot of readers from Canada, I figured it would be very useful to post this treatment because in most of the country we do not get adequate sunlight during the winter (and even if we do, the vitamin D levels aren't strong enough to be absorbed into the skin for much of the winter months). I don't think I have full blown SAD, but I do believe I have a slight decline in mood when there is extended rain here on the west coast. Basically there is a slight difference between my summer mood and my winter mood, which I feel is pretty common. I am definitely buying a light box though so that I can see if it will hopefully help me keep an elevated upbeat mood all year long, even after 4 straight months of rain.

T-minus 10 days, Midterm Mark, and No More Sluggishness

My final exam for my biopsych course is just over 10 days. My exam is not until 6pm at night on the 18th, but I'm not counting the day of just because I might try to get all my studying done before then. I will probably keep studying right until an hour or two before though, but the ideal thing would be to finish all of my studying the night before (from weeks of studying). The exam is not cumulative so that is nice, but for this course it just means the questions will be more in depth, so it's not really easier.

I got 74% on my last midterm for biopsych. I think my mark was a bit lower because I ran out of time for my long answer essay questions and I also made a few mistakes on them. I am going to go over my exam and make sure it's marked right because there was one section that I thought I got a perfect mark on but I didn't. If I do well on the next exam I could get above 80% in the course, which would allow me to use this course as a prerequisite for UBC graduate school. I also have an opportunity to get a bonus mark, so that will help. If I get 100% on the next exam I could get bumped up to 85% in the course, which would be an A. I'd be happy with that considering how tricky the exams are for this class. Every person I've known who took this class (which is a lot for some reason) have said the exams are tricky. And this class has a low 'easiness' rating on the ratemyprof website.

I'm also trying to finish two of my online courses, and the exams for those classes will be upcoming, but I'm not sure exactly when. If I finish those by mid September, I'm thinking I'll take another online class through TRU so I can work on it over the Christmas Break. The reason is that I need all the classes I can get to get my admissions average above the cutoff for UBC medical school. It'll be hard because I'll still have quite a few failed classes, but I'll definitely be applying once I'm over the cutoff, even if I'm only .5 percent over the cutoff.

I've noticed that I feel a lot more full of energy now. In the past two years I used to have this sluggishness that would persist throughout the day until the evening. I still did above average in my courses and I would exercise once in a while, but overall I just didn't have the energy to go very hard in all aspects of life. It very well could have been a physical thing from my medication, but it may have turned into a mental thing. There is a strong body-mind connection that can't be ignored, especially given my mental health history. I could always think clearly, but the fatigue was persistent, and it would hamper my progress and consistency in both school and exercise/activities. The good news is that I don't get this anymore. I can study hard for hours and exercise hard for hours. It may be the effects from exercising, particularly being able to exercise harder so maybe the typical effects are more pronounced. In any case, I'm definitely not going to stop this pace I'm doing for exercising because I don't want to go back to feeling fatigued. I think if I didn't have the fatigue I could have done much better on the courses I passed. I won't be seeking any sort of academic concession, just because I don't know if it would be a strong enough case. But I'm more willing to take my 80% average over the past year and a bit than have to start all over. I think that was a good start and I'm only going to do better this summer and this upcoming winter. Whenever I talk to people they always say that my days are so busy, and it's true that I have been going at quite a frantic pace. There are always lots of things I have to do, as any successful student knows. But it's not a chore for me. I actually enjoy it. It makes the odd time you relax that much more sweet as well. But I do prefer to be busy and accomplishing things as well. Basically I like to work hard and still have fun too. I think that is a good balance I've finally achieved.

Love, Success, and Jada Pinkett

Im not that into celebrity culture or tabloids, but when I heard that Will Smith and Jada Pinkett were getting a divorce, I was shocked and a bit upset. The reason is, for anyone that doesn't know, from what anyone can tell, Will  and Jada's marriage seems like such a successful marriage. You can really tell they love each other a lot and it just seems like a perfect marriage. They just seem so happy together.

Also as a 90's child, I grew up watching The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and that was one of my favourite shows when I was young. I also think most of Will Smith's movies are good too. Will Smith just has that movie-star persona. Aside from him being easily one of the highest grossing, biggest names in Hollywood, I respect him just as much for how he makes such a strong effort to love his wife. There are YouTube videos of Will Smith talking about being successful and how to achieve great success. When you hear these, you can tell that Will's fame and success were no accident. He just oozes success. So while I obviously don't know Will or Jada personally, I have a feeling that just as Will puts in a maximal amount of effort into his career, he puts the same maximal effort into his relationship with Jada. It is pretty inspiring now that I'm reflecting on it, because in every way it seems to be paying off. Will doesn't just love her, he has a passion for her. It also helps that Jada seems pretty awesome too.

So when I heard about the divorce, one of the things that went through my mind was that if Will Smith and Jada Pinkett's marriage can't last, what chance does any normal person have of a successful marriage. It may have been a bit dramatic of me to think, but the divorce along with my own breakup I went through made me inclined to think that love is dead, to a degree. Obviously my own breakup made me think pessimistically in this way. It turns out that Will and Jada aren't getting a divorce and the original report was false. I think even if they were getting divorced - as a man, Will Smith is a great example of a man doing everything to foster a thriving relationship. When I get back into a relationship, I'm going to make sure that I'm passionate about the relationship and putting in a maximal effort to achieve consistent happiness.

RESP Documents, Shin Appointment, and Assault

Today I sent in my RESP documents and so I should know if I'm eligible to receive my funds by Monday August 10th. I'm kind of concerned because these RESP companies only profit when students 'default' and don't pass their year level. I did pass my year level, but of course I've failed courses so hopefully that doesn't become an issue. But we will see.

My pain in the side of my shins still hasn't gone away and actually seems to be worst, so I saw a sports medicine doctor today. I actually thought he was a GP because I assumed all the doctors at UBC student health were GPs, but when I ended my concern to ask if he could refer me to a sports medicine doctor, he promptly smiled and said "I am a sports medicine doctor". That was convenient because it saves me time by going to one less appointment. He examined me and said that I have early signs of a stress fracture. I believe that was the term he used. Basically I did too much too fast and my bones in my shin couldn't keep up, because they haven't worked that hard in a long time. My good intentions to lose as much weight ASAP have backfired on me. The positive is that the doctor said for me to try running again in a week, but to SLOWLY incorporate running. For example do 30 seconds of jogging followed by 4 minutes of walking. I assume I can do that for like 20 minutes or 10 minutes. Hopefully once I start icing my leg and stretching, that will help me heal faster. Also the doctor in the meantime said I can go swimming or do the exercise bike at the gym. So I’ll be doing both of those to try to keep up with my cardio. My future for the track team for this September is up in the air right now. But I'm just praying that I can join the team later, in say January. If I'm fast enough, I don't see why not. Although there might be regulations in the league that they compete in, because I know there are academic requirements to be in full time studies in their league, but I'm also wondering what other requirements they have in terms of when new recruits can join the team. But I'm still going to aim for January if September is no longer a possibility. Injuries are just such a wild card, it's really annoying.


Another thing that happened today was that I saw an altercation with a guy bicyclist and a guy in a truck near my house. That got me thinking about what would happen if I got into an altercation like that, not now, but when I'm older and say I had a prominent medical position within the community. The guy in the truck and the male bicyclist were stopped at a crosswalk activated intersection light, and I guess they were very close to each other on the road, with neither one of them giving each other space. The guy in the truck rolled down his window and the biker said "why are you not giving me enough space" I couldn't hear what the guy in the truck said, but they then both went straight when the red light had traffic stopped in the perpendicular road, and then the biker hit the guys truck with his hand and then kicked the truck with one foot as he was on the bike. The guy in the truck then cut off the biker and got out of his truck and pushed the biker and then threw one punch that didn't really connect. The biker comically made a lot of noise so that people would stop and help him from getting beat up, although I'm not sure what he was expecting when he decided to try to damage the other guy's truck and be very disrespectful to him. The guy in the truck just drove away after he threw one of the punches. Now I don't condone violence unless it is to defend yourself or someone else. But as a man, I'm not sure if I would react differently from the guy in the truck. I mean I wouldn't try to knock someone out because if they fall and hit their head they could get brain damage or die. But I mean, if someone clearly disrespects you and your property, at what point do you say enough is enough? I mean you can't just let people walk all over you. The analogy I like to make is with Germany and England pre WW2. Germany was invading all of the smaller countries as well as committing other atrocities and England finally said enough is enough. I think getting physical has a time and a place. But here's where things get tricky, what if I have a very prominent position within the community? Let's say I'm the chief of surgery at BC Children's Hospital? That obviously wouldn't look good if I basically assaulted another man. I mean it could easily get in the news and there could be public backlash if people didn't know the whole story. I also wouldn't want my patients to think that I intentionally hurt someone else. But on the flip side, I would want everyone to know, including my patients, that I will stand up for myself and others when I am "wronged". So I don't know? I'd love to hear people's opinions, and maybe enlighten me if this sounds like it might be extreme. I just want to get a better sense of what to do in these situations. I grew up in a semi rough neighbourhood, so the 'old me' is saying to stand up for myself. But the new educated me and future physician and hopefully 'prominent member of the community'-one-day-me is telling myself to just stay calm and think of my career and reputation. Is it better to stand up for yourself even if no one was harmed simply because they disrespected you? Or is it the old saying to be the bigger and better man and to just walk away? I'd love to hear people's opinions, just because as I said, I am probably very bias because of the way I was raised (by mostly men) and also the rougher than average environment that I'm from. So please enlighten me everyone! Leave a comment or email me at premedpostfailure@gmail.com

Sports Massage

I've been going to the gym with a friend, and when we were stretching she mentioned to me that I felt a little tight in my muscles. She recommended that a massage should help, and I had already heard about the beneficial effects of massage on sports injuries, so I figured a registered massage therapist could help me out. I've kind of developed this soreness in the front of my shins just medial to the front bone. It did affect my running last week as it was hampering my run. Sports injuries are nothing new to me, but I think I was a bit naive thinking I would be able to do all of this training without my legs saying that all of this is too much. To be proactive against my soreness and injuries, I decided to get a sports massage. Note that I'm calling this soreness an injury because it is affecting my speed when I run, and it's also in kind of an unusual place to be just a 'regular kind of sore'.  I went to a place in Burnaby called Fortius, which is part of a larger sports medicine center. This place is a real top of the line facility and you can tell all their practitioners are highly trained. They have every type of practitioner you can think of, including sports medicine physicians, orthopaedic surgeons, and registered massage therapists. I only saw a registered massage therapist at my appointment.

The massage itself was fantastic. It felt so good when she pushed on the pressure points near my hips. Those must've been tight, and I could tell they really needed that. I chose the therapist I chose because her past clients have included the Canadian National Track team, as well as professional sports teams.

On the Mayo Clinic website, it mentioned that massages are no longer about 'pampering yourself', and that they actually have a lot of health benefits. I haven't done the research on the health benefits myself yet though, but I'm inclined to believe it from what I already know. If I had a partner I'd suggest that we give each other massages semi regularly. Aside from the health benefits and the intimate connection, we would also save some money. Then once in a while we could augment it with a professional massage from a registered massage therapist. I'll probably go back for another massage at Fortius in about 2-3 weeks, hopefully that should help me out a lot.

In order to reduce impact I might do more of the elliptical at the gym instead of running at the track. I thought it'd be cool to get my body to the point where I can do cardio twice a day. Depending on how much stress consistent elliptical work puts on my legs, I may be able to incorporate 'two-a-days' sooner rather than later. That would be great. It'd also be great if I could get in the pool to do some laps too. When I was doing my cardio today I noticed that my cardiovascular and respiratory systems felt a lot more efficient than even a few weeks ago. Even though my body getting more efficient will mean it is burning less calories and thus it is harder to lose drastic amounts of weight, I need to be more efficient so that I can run faster for track. Also I'm sure that the weight will all come off eventually. When I saw my aunt on Sunday, she said I had lost a lot of weight from stomach area. Despite everyone saying I look good and have lost a lot of weight, I'm not letting up. It's all about the end game for me. 

Speaking of two-a-days, I should be in pretty prime shape by the time the NFL season starts. Whenever I think I'm training hard, I just watch videos on the NFL training (or college football videos or Kobe or LeBron videos) and I truely believe that they are some of the most prime physical specimens in the world. It is actually so inspiring for me. I've felt this way about the NFL for so long, and I'm so happy that I'm finally strongly acting on my athletic dreams and ideals so that I can then make my dreams into goals and my goals into reality.

Still Alive and The Colour Green

Well I made it home safely and am happy that I'm still alive after two nights of camping on the west coast of the island. I really thought I was going to see a bear though because there were warning signs saying that the site is in black bear country. Plus I was sleeping in a tent with food in it as well. I realized after that you're supposed to keep food that isn't being used in the vehicle or food cache. It was a great beach we camped on and I had a great time with my friends and we had a lot of laughs, so it was an all around good time. I loved the drive, and especially loved the nights on the beach. I slept so well with the sounds of the waves crashing on the beach at night. I really love the ocean and being right on the Pacific is so beautiful. I didn't take any pictures though because I had my phone off because there was no cell service. But I'd highly recommend camping at Sombrio Beach to anyone who is interested in camping in BC.

The colour green in the title doesn't refer to the forest when I went camping, (there was a forest by the beach) it refers to my money situation. Despite the fact that I don't currently have a student loan this semester, I still have a decent amount of funds for the summer, a lot of which was from grants. In addition, I got my first payment from the rental of my grandpa's from my aunt and uncle. The only caveat is that the house is going to be empty next month, and I won't be getting any money until it is rented again, which could be a couple days or a few months. I did post about potential rental income last year, but the thing is that the house is so old that we had to spend all of the profits on upgrades to the house. But still, the upgrades are essentials like roofing and plumbing, not things that increase the rental value like a new kitchen or bathroom. As such, the rent is quite low because the house is old and no one wants to put significant capital into the house and I don't have the money to do so. Maybe when I'm in residency I will though. If not, definitely when I'm an attending though. But anyways it's good to see that my agreement with my family is being honoured and that I'm getting at least some money. I noticied myself getting significantly thriftier though with this rental money, as opposed to my student loan money. Maybe that's a good thing. I think I'm going to be putting the money into a fund to save up to buy some real estate. I think that would be a smart investment. And it's also quite practical too because I'm not the sole owner of any real estate yet. Given these Vancouver real estate prices, I might be waiting a while though.

Another green thing is that I should be getting an RESP payment within the next month. It should be about $6600. I haven't had that much of my own un-loaned cash since I was working in 2013. It will definitely be nice to have that as well. I may just lump this RESP money with my rental income money from this month ( and hopefully future months! *knocks on wood*) and have a decent amount of cash available, if need be. I actually also have a small share as a minority owner in some real estate that my mom, brother, grandpa and I bought a few years ago. My share only comes out to a minimum of $5000 but it could be more than that.

If I add all of this up, I'm well on my way towards a down payment. A down payment is important because having my own place (that I owned) would allow me to go to university and take classes as much as I need to. If I want to pursue any higher education, having more money will also allow me to do that, in addition to any potential medical school line of credit I get.

All in all it's been a great day. I used to have a significant amount of money stress, but I feel like that has kind of melted away. This is obviously a great thing for me, although, I'm not going to fully relax until the RESP money is deposited into my account. So I'll post any ongoing activity for that once I know.