Reality

I am very much a positive and optimistic person. However, since my biopsych mark came out earlier and when I was doing some projections for applying to medical school in 2016 while writing my last blog post earlier today, it didn't quite hit me yet that there is a strong chance that I won't be able to apply to UBC this year. I guess I was holding out hope that I can complete all of the necessary credits for the AGPA calculation. But that is going to be pretty much nearly impossible. I'm feeling a bit down that I probably won't get my chance this year.

All things considered things have gone pretty well since I went back to school in January of 2014. My average is hovering around 80% since returning. It is just my past grades that are holding me back from applying. But I know that things could have been better or maybe even worst. But right now I'm finding it hard to find the silver lining. I know what my goal is, but it is very very nice to have those positive re-enforcers to keep you going through the grind of school. For example, I haven't received any scholarships or awards since returning to school in 2014. Also most of my marks have been in the B+ range instead of the A range.

I need a plan. But I am not a very patient person at all. I was really hoping to apply to medical school this year. But I guess my plan is just to become consistently efficient. I've been trying to avoid burnout and I've been successful that way. I think I am pretty efficient with my time. It is just that the amount of time I put in to school work is lacking. I actually own my own online business and I routinely have errands to run for that. I also try to have a social life and have time to relax as well.

I just always feel discouraged that I'm not putting in 10 hour days for my schooling. I feel like that is what I need to be doing since I'm going to be doing that in medical school and in residency as well. But I guess the silver lining is that even if I put in 60% of that time at least 4 times a week, then I'm essentially guaranteed results because I'm currently doing less than that. I'm just trying to think of the positives right now so I can continue on with this same situation until 2017 and likely beyond if I don't get in on my first try. I'm also looking forward to getting involved with some extracurricular activities that I feel would be very beneficial towards my development in becoming a physician.

I didn't want it to come down to this, but there is still one thing that I can be optimistic about, but it is a major wildcard.

I'm currently pursuing withdrawals from some of my failed courses in the past. I've been successful in getting a few of them removed but not all. I originally had like 14 or 15 failed classes, (I can't exactly remember how many, I tried not to think about it), but I was able to get some removed to bring my total down to 11 failed courses. Now I am pursuing the removal of a few more. The basis of the retroactive withdrawals is due to medical reasons. It is quite difficult to get courses removed and it takes a very long time. Quite a few months in my experience. I'm not entirely sure when I will hear back about this, but it could be the good news I'm looking for. Any removed failed courses should help out my situation in one way or another. Although I haven't done any calculations as to what my new GPA would be if I did get some courses removed. There is also the chance that it does not even help me out that much, because the AGPA might have removed the courses from the calculation anyways. But I'm not sure which courses and from what years will be acted upon, and that is optimistic because I do not think that any more of my courses will get removed. The only reason I'm still holding up is that because it is all kind of up in the air and I was surprised when I had a few courses removed the last time that I did it. I'll post once I hear a response from the school about whether or not my courses got removed.

These are the times that I miss my ex-girlfriend. She was always my biggest supporter and she always believed that I could get in to medical school. It would be nice to talk to her again but she doesn't want to talk to me right now, and probably never again. I miss her support and being in a loving relationship with her. Losing her has really made me appreciate what I had. But, just like my hopes of applying to UBC med school for 2016 are slime to none, so are the chances of me talking to her again.